Wammy Games
by bloodmuffins
Summary: This is a story about Mello's life at Wammy's. He suffers through strange relationships and fights, the pressure of trying to be number 1, and lots more.
1. Nightmares and New Kids

I do not own Death Note, the characters, anime, etc.

(Told in Mello's point of view)

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Preface

It all happened a year ago.

I know that, but still I can't help but to wake up drenched in sweat and tears everytime I have the nightmare. I have the nightmare almost everynight…

I remember it all perfectly, every detail of that dreadful night etched in my mind so vividly that I cannot stop myself from thinking it's actually happening over and over again, somewhere in my subconscious.

I remember running, no sprinting away from the flames that ate my once white home. My father's words had echoed in my mind as I ran, "Always keep this with you, it will keep you safe." So as I darted into the snowstorm and away from my home and family, I clutched the rosary he'd given me, praying to God as I ran that everything would be okay.

Of course everything _wasn't_ okay. The wind whipped at my face and the snow got into my eyes, blocking my vision. But still I ran. Into the darkened trees of the forest and away from the life I'd once known and loved, never to return again.

I'd meant to go back after the storm and after I'd gotten help, but it suddenly hit me as I crossed an iced-over stream that there was no point in going back. A tear fell down my cheek then, and I knew I was right; there was no point, no reason whatsoever to go back there. Everything was dead and gone; my house, all my belongings, and my parents were all dead. Going back just to check wouldn't change that. In fact it would just make it worse.

So instead I kept running, crying and praying as I went, but knowing the whole way that nothing would change and that my life as I knew it was totally and completely over. It would never, ever return to the way it was and I would _never_ be okay.

Chapter 1

I awoke again from my nightmare, finding Matt above me just like every other night. I held the red beads of my rosary and wiped my tears away with the other. I must have looked worse than most nights because Matt asked, "Are you okay, Mello? It's okay, I promise. It was just a dream."

I just nodded my head. We both knew it wasn't 'just a dream', but it's easier to pretend it was.

"You look awful. You sure you're okay?" Matt would usually just sit on the edge of my bed until I'd wake up and then when he saw I was okay, he'd go back to his bed and go to sleep. How bad did I look tonight?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a dream," I told him with a half-hearted chuckle. He gave me one more worried look, but seemed to believe me and went back to his bed. I rolled over so I wasn't facing him, not wanting to concern my friend, as I clutched the cross of the rosary closer and recalled my nightmare.

It had been slightly different this time, something that had never happened before. My house and parents were still destroyed in a massive fire that swallowed them whole, but this time as I ran I looked back and saw something there. No, not some_thing_. Some_one. _But that was impossible. There was no one else there besides my mom, dad, and me the night my parents died. Unless…

No, the fire was a terrible accident. It was probably just a cooking accident Mom had or something. "Just because I don't know exactly what happened, doesn't mean…" I thought to myself. I sighed loudly in anger, forgetting for a second about my concerned friend on the other side of the room. I glanced over my shoulder, hoping I hadn't disturbed Matt's sleep, but sure enough he was still sleeping soundly. It took a lot to wake him up, which just reminded me of how loud I must be in my sleep to be able to wake him up like that every night.

I sighed again, but this time not out of anger. This was all ridiculous, just some trick my mind decided to play on me tonight. But that feeling of being watched, of being followed…

"No," I whispered aloud into the darkness, "My parents were NOT murdered."

And with that I closed my eyes and drifted off into an uneasy sleep, with no nightmares but no dreams either.

Two things woke me the next morning. The first was the sun peering in through the windows, its bright light blinding me regardless of my eyelids in the way. The other was the obnoxious background music of Matt's gameboy. Matt was my best friend and he had a little obsession with video games, but that was nothing anyone blamed him for. He was a great guy and could get along with anyone. He was good at making people laugh and be happy, and he was always sacrificing things of his own for the happiness of others.

Once we were walking home from the mall around Christmas time with Linda and it was very cold out. Linda, a not very bright girl, didn't plan on the weather and had worn a skirt and T-shirt to the mall even though she knew we'd be walking the mile back to our dorms after. She probably would've gotten frostbite if Matt hadn't taken off his vest to let her wear it, leaving himself in just a long-sleeved red and black striped shirt. She had asked if he was sure, and he'd just shrugged and lit up a cigarette.

That was something else about Matt. He smoked, but he claimed he wasn't actually addicted. I don't even know for sure if he is or not, and anyway, I don't care. It's not like he's one of those mean smokers that get annoyed easily when he doesn't have a smoke. Matt's never mean or nasty to anyone. He's the nicest, most caring, and most selfless person I have ever met. With me being virtually the exact opposite, we bonded instantly.

I remember the day perfectly. It was both of our first days at Wammy's, and we were both kind of shy and didn't really want to make any friends, though all the other children surrounded us with questions and friend requests. Lunch is when we met, actually. We just literally walked right into each other, for neither of us was paying attention to where we were going. Neither of us even bothered to so much as mumble an apology and we just kept walking. It was about two minutes later, after we each had our lunches, that we met again. We'd both put our stuff down at the same table and neither of us wanted to move. After a bit of small talk during that first lunch, and regardless of a year age difference, we've been best friends ever since.

"Mmm…" I sighed at the happy memory. This noise yanked Matt out of his video game, and he looked at me like I had two heads. Sometimes he forgets there's another world besides the game when he gets really into it. I laughed at him a little, sitting up on the bed.

"What's wrong, Matty? Forget I was here?"

He just rolled his eyes, averting them back to his hand held device and said, "You'd better get dressed. Roger wants us all downstairs in fifteen minutes to greet some new kid, remember?"

I hadn't remembered. On the contrary, I'd completely forgotten about the new arrival to the orphanage today. I groaned uhappily, not wanting to get up and out of the dorm just yet. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Matt give me a skeptical glance from behind his orange tinted goggles, obviously a sign that he thought we should actually go.

"Fine, I'll go," I responded in childish annoyance. At that I stood up and walked to the bottom of my bed, where my dresser was. I opened the middle drawer sleepily and reached in blindly, grabbing out my favorite pair of black leather pants. I shrugged and tossed them onto the bed. I then picked my also black leather vest off the back of my desk chair and changed into my clothes.

Matt paused and saved his game, turning it off and slipping on his simple black boots while eyeing me disapprovingly.

"What?" I asked my redheaded friend.

"Nothing," he responded with mock innocence, throwing his hands up into the air as if to further prove this. I glared slightly, then shrugged while zipping up my vest. "Well, I'll meet you downstairs, Mello." I just nodded in reply.

Once Matt was out of the room with the door shut behind him, I plopped back onto my bed, sighing nervously. "A new kid, eh?" I thought to myself. There hadn't been any new kids at Wammy's since Matt and I arrived here over a year ago, so this was a pretty big deal. I didn't really know how to feel about there being someone else new, though. How should I act around him? Should I try to be his friend, or should I just avoid him? What if he's still sad about his parents' deaths? Do we try to comfort him? But what if he doesn't want to be comforted? I didn't have answers to any of these questions. I didn't even think I'd be able to help him much anyway. There was still a lot that I didn't know about the orphanage. But here's what I do know:

Wammy's is an orphanage, but it doesn't just take in anybody. You have to be smart to come here, because secretly it's actually a method of picking through kids who are smart or have special talents in an attempt to find a successor for L. This rule doesn't necessarily always apply, however. Some of the other kids here are pretty stupid; at least I think so. Then again, I might just think that way because as of now I am the smartest kid at Wammy's.

So basically, you get into Wammy's if your parents died and you usually have to be pretty smart. It also seems that most kids' parents died pretty horrifically or suddenly or graphically. Very few kids will tell you that their parents just died from cancer or something. The cause of death for most parents is some form of murder, but the topic doesn't come up much as it's thought of as rude to ask someone how their parents died.

I shook my head out of these upsetting thoughts and put on my combat boots, grabbing a bar of chocolate as I walked out the door. I leisurely walked down the hall and proceeded down the stairs to the main entrance of the dorm building. (There are two buildings at Wammy's; the dorm building and the school building.) I took my usual place next to Matt and absentmindedly watched my younger friend play his gameboy again, while I nibbled on my chocolate bar.

It was only about a minute later that Roger, the head person at the orphanage, emerged from the door leading to outside, followed closely by another boy. "This is our new member. His name is Near."

Muttering quickly picked up amongst the children as soon as Roger had introduced us to the new kid. Even Matt had turned off his gameboy, and I just stared at the strange boy in slight shock. Who was this boy? Was he really smart enough to get in here? He looked so strange.

Near was a very young and very short boy, who stood in the entryway of his new home clutching a faded blue stuffed bunny in one hand while twirling a lock of his silvery white hair in the other. Some of the other students had already started to introduce themselves to the pale boy, but he just nodded shyly at each new potential friend. I, meanwhile, just looked on in wonder, for I'd never seen anyone like him before. How could he be so incredibly pale? He looked so small and fragile in his all-white clothes which rested upon his all-white body. He looked up and glanced around nervously with dark gray eyes.

The little boy then tugged on Roger's sleeve and whispered something in his ear. It must have had something to do with wanting to get to his room, because Roger then picked up Near's two bags and led the boy up the stairs and out of sight.

Linda walked over to Matt and I saying, "Wow, have you ever seen anyone like him before? He was so small and so cute."

"Yeah, I wonder what happened to his parents," Matt said in a reply.

I took another bite of my chocolate, "Why do you think he was so pale?" But Linda and Matt just shrugged in unison.

Then, as if to answer my question, Roger reentered the little entry hall and called for everyone to be quiet. All the children just looked up at him in wonder and bafflement, not knowing what to make of this new kid.

"I want everyone to be nice to Near and treat him well. He has been through a lot," began the old man, "I don't want any of you to pester him about anything or make him feel uncomfortable here. He is a good kid and I want him to feel welcome and loved here. Now, does anyone have any questions?"

Hands flew up at once, each containing a plea to be chosen so that some of the questions in their minds may be answered. Roger called upon one of the younger children, a 7-year-old named Timmy.

"How old is he?" Timmy asked, most likely hoping to find someone else close to his age to play with, since most kids at Wammy's are at least twelve years old.

"He is ten," Roger answered. He then called on Linda, who asked, "Why is he so pale?" This was one of the questions that most of the children had wanted to ask; so many confused little faces looked up at Roger, eager for his reply.

"He has a condition called albinism. In other words, he is albino," Roger said, causing some of the older kids to nod in satisfaction, for they must have known what 'albino' meant, but most children did not.

"What does albino mean?" asked Linda again.

Roger sighed tiredly, "It happens when you don't have enough melanin in your body. It makes you very pale and your skin very sensitive. Because of this, I doubt Near will go outside that much. The sun would give him very bad sunburns that could cause him a lot of pain, so it's best if he just avoids direct sunlight. Please keep this in mind when playing with Near and don't use this as something against him. It's not his fault he was born like that, so don't make fun of him for it." Roger ended his little speech and all the children's questions were answered.

The old orphanage manager told everyone to return to whatever they were doing before, except for Matt and me. At first I thought we were in trouble, but Roger was smiling down at us. No, not at us. He was smiling at just Matt. I glanced at my friend confusedly, but he just shrugged.

"As Matt already knows, Near will be living with you two in your dorm, Mello. Is that okay with you?"

I looked at him in shock, only getting pulled out of it by Matt who elbowed me in the ribs lightly. "Sure, I guess."

Roger smiled again, "Thanks you guys. We don't have any open dorms right now, and I was so happy when Matt volunteered to share your room with Near. If he hadn't, I don't know where we'd have put him." Roger chuckled lightly and walked away.

That was when I rounded on Matt.

"Why'd you tell Roger that the new kid could live with us?!"

Matt shrugged indifferently, "He needs a place to live, Mello."

I simply gaped at my friend, unable to comprehend what he was saying. "Someone else would have offered, Matt," I told him, but he just shrugged again, pulling his goggles back in front of his eyes. I half-stared, half-glared at my best friend before saying in a rather annoyed tone, "Ugh. Whatever."

I stomped back up to our room, but nothing can break Matt's mood, so he just walked along beside me, happy as ever. When we reached our room, I paused outside for a moment, not necessarily wanting to go in and confront my new roommate. Matt glanced at me, rolled his eyes, and shoved past me through the door and into our room. I took a quick deep breath and followed.

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This is the first part of my story. I have more written, but I won't bother to upload it if no one likes it. So please review and tell me what you think so far.

-Bloodmuffins


	2. Introductions and Fears

(I do not own Death Note, characters, etc.)

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Chapter 2

The second I got a good look at my room I gasped out loud in disbelief. I looked to Matt, who was smiling gently. Psht, of course, calm as ever. I glanced all around the room, taking everything in, while barely even noticing the pale child sitting on a new third bed.

The door to our room was in the very center of one of the walls, a natural dividing line of the entire room. All my things are on the right side of the door, and Matt's are on the left. Our beds are in the top corner of our respective sides with desks right next to them, between the bed and the door. At the foot of each bed is a dresser, which we store clothes and other little things in. On the wall adjacent of the wall with the door are three windows, all connected and framed with black curtains. That's how our room used to be.

Now, however, there was another bed on the far wall beneath the windows and another dresser at the end of it, between this new bed and Matt's side of the room. There was no new desk, though, and perched on top of the bed was Near, pale and shy as ever, holding his bunny. His bags were tucked under the bed, so he must have already unpacked and gotten settled. When we entered the room he began twirling a lock of icy hair, staring at the floor nervously.

"Hi. I'm Matt," my redheaded friend introduced himself. The other child just continued to look at the carpet, and Matt nudged me to introduce myself as well.

I glared slightly before saying, "I'm Mello." Near still just looked down to the ground, and he gave his blue rabbit a hug.

Of course Matt had to be the nice, helpful roommate.

"Near, if there's anything you need or anything, just ask myself or Mello, okay?" And of course he had to drag me into it. Typical.

The albino boy looked up from the floor to Matt, then away again and nodded. He then lay down, getting under the covers and went to sleep. I just stared at him in a daze, not willing myself to accept that Matt and I had a new roommate, and that everything would change again.

I'm afraid of change, that's something that I can admit. Ever since I lost my parents in the fire, my life has changed and it was really scary at first. But I finally got back on track and my life makes sense again. I have friends and a home and a sort of family, and I'm finally happy again. I don't want to risk it all and change it just because some new kid shows up.

"Mello," Matt whispered loudly, snapping me out of my daze, "Let's go to the game room and let him sleep." I nodded solemnly, would it always be like this? and followed Matt out of our room.

The game room was just a few rooms down from our dorm, so it didn't take us long to walk over to it. As soon as you open the door and look inside, you see an enormous window on the wall opposite, but it's almost always covered with thick dark curtains to keep out the sun. No one wants a glare on the TV after all. If you look to the left after you open the door, you will see a flat-screen TV the size of the wall and in the center of the room is a mess of bean bags, cushions, pillows, blankets, and other comfortable items to sit and relax on. On the far right wall there is a rather large red cotton couch, which was very comfortable but hardly ever put to use due to the fact that it was a little far from the TV.

The moment we got into the game room, which was empty as usual, Matt walked over to the video game systems and began picking through the games, trying to decide what to play. I, on the other hand, just trudged over to the bright couch and collapsed into it, staring at the blank TV, but not really seeing it. Matt must have gotten his game going, for he walked back to where I was sitting, game controller in hand, and sat himself next to me. I didn't even see what he was playing, I was still in some sort of shock. How could my life spin downward like that in no more than fifteen minutes?

As if reading my mind the boy next to me said softly, "It'll all work out, you know, Mello. It'll all be fine. If I didn't think it'd be okay, then I wouldn't have offered to have him live with us, you know that."

I didn't want to admit it, but I knew he was right. I knew Matt would never do that to me if he thought it wouldn't work out. Ugh, this always happened. Matt was always right, and I always got worked up over nothing.

"I guess you're right. Still, it'd have been nice if you'd warned me or something."

He just shrugged indifferently, "I knew you'd talk to Roger and object to the whole thing, so I didn't tell you."

I glared back at him, but he just smirked the slightest bit. I gave up and sighed in defeat, "Matt, why do you always do this to me?"

"Do what?" he asked back.

I just shrugged.

"What do you have against the new kid anyway, dude?"

I narrowed my eyes again, glaring intently at the television screen. In truth I didn't know what I didn't like about this new kid. And besides, it wasn't really the kid himself, it wasn't really this Near person. It was really just the whole concept of there being a new kid at Wammy's House. It just felt so strange, possibly because it had never happened to me before.

Or possibly because I was afraid. Right now I was the absolute smartest person at Wammy's, and no one would even try to deny it. If things kept going the way they were now, I'd be the one to succeed L; I would become the greatest detective someday. And I would take Matt with me. I wouldn't dream of being separated from him now that we'd met, he was my best friend. I had my whole life planned out, but if someone became smarter than me, if someone somehow surpassed me and won the title of L instead…I couldn't bear to think about it, it was just too horrible.

But what if this new kid could do it? What if he was the one who would snatch everything away from me, leaving me behind in the dirt? What if he could do it? This Near.

I shook my head violently from side to side, slouching down and resting my elbows on my knees, while in turn resting my chin in my hands. I honestly didn't think that this little kid could do it, I mean he was only ten years old. But that didn't eliminate this unreasonable fear I had growing and pulsing inside of me, eating away at my thoughts and forcing me to panic.

I realized that I hadn't given Matt an answer to his question and mumbled, "I just don't like change…"

This reaction was obviously what Matt had been expecting because he just nodded with a satisfied grin on his face. Or maybe he was just doing well in his game, I couldn't tell, though I thought it was the former.

"Not much will change though, Mello. Not really. And just think about how much change he's going through. Don't you remember what it was like? All the confusion and sadness…"

"Yeah, I guess," I replied glumly, "But why do you sympathize for him so much? You're a really nice guy and all, Matt, but you seem to be being extra nice to this kid."

"It's because I remember how much that first day here totally sucked, but then I got rescued by you, Mello. Except this Near kid doesn't have his own personal Mello to save him from it all, so I'm trying to make it as easy for him as I can."

This response made me smile. Though I'd never admit it, I always liked it when Matt said things like that, about how we met and about how good of friends we are. I've always been happy that he thinks of me as a good friend the way I think of him as one.

So we'd deal with Near, it wouldn't really be that big of a deal, not really. It would take some getting used to, but in the end it would be okay. I would just have to trust Matt on that, and I did. I completely trusted him.

I let out a long breath of relaxation and nestled further into the plush couch, enjoying watching my best friend as he played his way through levels, killing and dodging things as he went.

After a little while, no more than a couple of hours, Matt and I headed back to our room. With all the fun of the video games and whatnot, I'd almost forgotten that Near even existed, but when I opened the dorm's door my smile immediately vanished and was replaced by my former worry. Matt had to shove me into the room, moving to his bed as he did so. I just stood there like an idiot in the middle of the room, not even remembering to close the door.

Near was sitting up on his bed, leaning against the headboard, reading a rather large book that appeared too big for him to hold properly. The sight of him sitting there like that with his blue stuffed animal leaning against the window almost made me want to vomit.

"So, how are you doing?" Matt asked the little boy.

The pale child looked up from his massive book with wide eyes and reached for his rabbit in response. "What's up with him and that rabbit?" I thought with a mixture of curiosity and disgust.

I then slammed the door shut and moved over to my bed, laying down on my back, and not bothering to acknowledge my new roommate. I felt a sudden craving for chocolate, so I leaned over to my desk to grab a bar, but groaned in misery when I saw that I was completely out. Matt didn't need to look over to see why I was upset; he knew me too well. But Near glanced up to me in wonder.

"What?" I asked a bit more rudely than I had planned.

He just looked back down to his book, blushing slightly with embarrassment. "Heh, serves him right," I thought to myself with a smirk.

"Matt? Do you have any chocolate?"

My goggled friend chucked a king-sized milk chocolate bar to me, never looking up from his game boy. I swear, I don't know why he likes his games so much, it just doesn't make sense to me.

None of us really did anything the rest of the day. We all just pretty much sat on our beds doing our own thing; Near read, Matt played video games (while cussing occasionally when he died), and I just stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought and nibbling on chocolate. Before I knew it, night had come and I was tired enough to fall asleep.

I rolled off my bed lazily and grabbed my pajamas which consisted of a pair of pajama pants and a big T-shirt with the Hershey's sign on it. I then brushed through my blond hair and turned off the light on my side of the room. ""Night, Matt."

His eyes met mine, a look of concern on his face. I knew what he was doing. He was silently asking me if I'd be okay tonight. I still didn't understand what had made him so concerned about last night, but I just nodded with a smile and got under my covers.

I glanced once over at Near, who I thought was still intently reading his enormous book. But just as my eyes met his figure, his eyes fell back to the pages. So, he'd been watching my silent exchange with Matt. I don't know what, but there was something about that that I didn't like.

I rolled over, facing the wall, and closed my eyes sleepily. My last thoughts before I was willed into sleep were of the strange new boy who'd come to live with Matt and I and what tomorrow would be like.

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So here's chapter two. Let me know what you think via reviews. Thanks!

-Bloodmuffins


	3. Comfort and Confusion

I still don't own the characters, anime, etc.

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Chapter 3

I was sprinting through the forest, looking over my shoulder to see if I was being followed. I wasn't. But just then my body started shaking, more like convulsing, uncontrollably. I fell to the snow-covered ground, still shaking and wondering what was happening to me.

My eyes snapped open from my recurring nightmare, only to find a darkened figure above me. At first I was alarmed, for the outlined person was quite noticeably smaller than Matt, and I didn't know who it was. But gradually my eyes adjusted and I saw that the person was a small boy, dressed in white from head to foot.

Near's dark eyes were wide with genuine concern, which puzzled me beyond comprehension. He naturally had a small bit of his icy hair tangled in his fingers, but his other hand was still shaking my shoulder. So, that's what was shaking me in my sleep.

I just gaped at the boy above me, not sure whether to say or do anything. Near stopped shaking me, but his hand remained on my shoulder. Neither of us said anything, but we just looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity, before he whispered, "Are you okay?"

His voice was so quiet that I wondered if I'd imagined it. It was so soft and delicate, further strengthening my earlier theory that he was fragile. I didn't respond to his question, but just looked up at him with mixed emotion in my gaze.

"Mello? Are you okay?"

I could tell he was actually worried about me, but I couldn't understand why. Why should some kid that I just met care so much if I'm okay or not? I suddenly realized that it would make sense to answer him, so I replied, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Near slowly released his petite hand from my shoulder, but didn't leave my side. I released my grip off my rosary, which I hadn't even realized I was holding. This sudden motion caught the albino boy's attention, and he looked at me questioningly. I didn't have the courtesy to answer his unspoken inquiry. I still didn't like this kid, whether he came to my aid during my nightmares or not.

I flipped over onto my side, so that I was facing the wall and not him, and closed my eyes in an attempt to go back to sleep. I knew it was incredibly rude of me, but I didn't much care at the moment. I heard Near get to his feet and walk over to his own bed, climbing under the covers. After a moment I looked over at him, and almost screamed out loud.

He was watching me. His gray eyes were so emotionless that they looked completely dead. In that instant the little boy just looked so lifeless, it was scary. It genuinely scared me, not something that usually happens. But after a second, he broke his gaze and turned away, closing his eyes and going to sleep.

I tried to do the same, but I couldn't get rid of that image of Near's lifeless eyes staring at me in the dark.

When I woke in the morning, I saw a pale child on the ground putting together what looked like a blank puzzle. Man, I thought, this kid gets weirder every time I see him. I sat up on my bed sleepily and looked around for Matt, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Matt?" I asked the other boy in the room, looking over to him only to find him already looking at me, though still putting together his puzzle without looking at it. I shuddered slightly, he was just so creepy. At least his eyes aren't lifeless anymore, I thought to myself with relief.

"He went to meet up with Linda," Near replied in his soft angel's voice. That realization hit me strangely: Near was like a little angel, at least he looked and sounded like one. A faint grin came to my features at this thought, but was abruptly shoved away as I realized what I was thinking.

Meanwhile, the albino boy's eyes got confused at my odd behavior. I internally cursed myself. Why did I always have to act so strange around him? I didn't have an answer to this question, but I did know that it was odd.

Shrugging off these baffling thoughts, I looked at my alarm clock to check the time. 8:32 in the morning, almost time for breakfast, which was served at nine. I groaned from exhaustion, but got to my feet and grabbed one of my older pairs of leather pants and my black leather vest, getting dressed slowly.

"Why do you always wear leather?"

I blinked in surprise, "What?"

"Why do you always wear leather?" Near asked again, not even a hint of impatience in his tone.

I, however, was annoyed. Why did he care? "Why do you always wear white?" I shot back at him, eyeing his plain white clothes.

The other boy shrugged lightly, saying, "I like the color white. It is soft and pure."

I gave him a disgusted look, which seemed to hurt his feelings because he asked, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I couldn't really answer his question; I just knew that he was bugging me. I let the matter drop, however, and just sat silently in my desk chair.

Matt came back to our room a few minutes later.

"Hey guys," he greeted us.

"Hey dude," I replied, while Near didn't say anything and didn't even acknowledge the redhead.

"You two ready to go to breakfast?" my best friend asked.

"Yeah, let's go," I said, getting up and opening the door.

"You coming, Near?" Matt asked the silent boy on the floor, much to my dislike.

The albino shook his head slightly, not bothering to look up from his puzzles. I was glad that he wouldn't be joining us.

Matt and I took our usual seats at the table in the far right-hand corner of the dining room after we'd gotten our breakfast. I was back in a good mood, due to the absence of a certain new roommate, but that was about to be shattered.

"So, what do you think of Near?"

I looked up from my food to my best friend, slight anger in my blue eyes. I didn't respond, but after a moment returned to eating my chocolate chip pancakes. I was ready to let the matter drop, for I was not at all in the mood to talk about Near or anything concerning him.

Matt, however, was persistent. "Well, what do you think?"

Once again I glared at him, but this time I actually replied, "I don't know yet. He's…strange, very strange. And he kinda creeps me out." That was as good an answer as I could give right now.

Matt nodded his head thoughtfully, "I know what you mean. I woke up at six this morning and he was already up and dressed, playing with Lego's. It totally creeped me out to wake up and find him and his toys sprawled out across the floor."

"Yeah…"

"Also," Matt continued, "he doesn't talk. That's more than a little odd, you know?"

This comment puzzled me, "What do you mean he doesn't talk?"

My confused blue eyes were met by Matt's equally baffled green ones, "…I mean, he doesn't talk. I haven't heard him say anything to anyone. I mean I guess he could just be shy or something, but still…"

"What are you talking about? He talks. Just last night he woke me up from my nightmare and asked if I was okay," I replied still confused.

"Oh. Well, I guess he talks to you. But he hasn't said a word to me. You have to admit that it's weird though. I mean, here I am trying my hardest to be really nice to the kid and he doesn't say anything. While on the other hand, you're ignoring him and being rude but he talks to you and wakes you from your bad dreams," Matt shook his head, "It's just weird."

I nodded, not knowing what else I really could do to respond to that. But I did know one thing, and that's that I would confront Near about this later. Why was I the only one he spoke to? Did he have some kind of creepy liking for me? And if he did, then why? I couldn't figure it out, though that's what I thought of all through breakfast, and I decided that I didn't want to him to like me, though I don't know why.

After breakfast Matt went back to meet up with Linda, a usual routine on Saturdays, while I on the other hand went back up to our room. It was time to get some answers from Near about his peculiar behavior.

I bashed the door open and stomped inside, seeing the pale boy on the ground again, this time playing with building blocks. He stole a quick glance up at me when I entered the room, but returned his gaze quickly back to his structure. I slammed the door shut behind me and towered over him menacingly, though I did not ask him any of the questions on my mind. Something about him stopped me in my tracks, and it really pissed me off. But before I could ponder the matter any further, he said, "If you have something to say, then please say it."

Again his angelic voice bewildered me as I fell under his trance. My expression softened and I found myself looking down at him with, what was it? Affection? Care? I felt like an older brother looking upon a younger sibling that he deeply cared for.

Near completed a tower of his castle and looked up at me, this time with some sort of faint emotion in his dark eyes.

"…Why do you look at me like that?" His question was barely a whisper, and it seemed to be more directed at himself than at me. It was still enough to snap me out of my trance, and I returned to glaring down at the little albino.

"Huh, look at you like what?" I snapped back with total ice in my voice.

My response seemed to startle him, and he flinched a little when the words left my mouth. His eyes became empty, bottomless abysses on his beautiful face as he shifted his gaze back to his toys. The silence enraged me.

"Why don't you talk to anyone but me?!" I practically yelled at the child beneath me, though I thought I sounded almost sad as I said it, instead of angry.

With a cold, lifeless mask covering his true feelings, Near replied, "I speak when I have something to say. I have not yet felt the need to say anything to anyone else, but I shall when the time comes."

This wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for.

"Oh, really? And why has 'the time come' for me then? Why did you 'have something to say' to me?"

There was dead silence. I could feel some sort of emotion hanging in the air all around us, but I couldn't make out what it was, and I couldn't tell if it was radiating off of him or me, or maybe even both. The silence dragged on for what felt like hours, before Near finally answered my questions.

"I don't know. Last night, you were mumbling in your sleep and you were…I don't know, freaking out. Something came over me and told me to go wake you up to make sure you were okay. I just wanted to see if you were okay. That's all," his voice shook and sounded slightly confused, like he didn't know why he'd woken me up either, and there was another emotion, too, but I couldn't place what it was. After another small gap of silence, he added in one of the coldest voices I'd ever heard, "If I'd known that you'd react like this, then maybe I wouldn't have bothered."

That stung. No, that downright hurt. It sounded like something that I would've said, and that's saying something. In case you haven't picked up on it, I'm not the nicest person. But besides the hurtfulness (yeah, I made up a word!) of his words, I also heard the other little emotions that Near had hidden in his message. I could tell that the confusion in his voice wasn't an act, and that he really didn't know why he'd come over to talk to me last night. This whole thing was clearly bugging him as much as it was bugging me, maybe more. I decided that I'd gotten as good of an answer as I was going to, and without another word, I left the room and went out in search of Matt and Linda.

I checked the game room first, and of course they were both in there. Linda was clinging to Matt, but he was totally oblivious as he played some fighting game. I shook my head in amusement and disbelief at the sight; Linda resting her head on my friend's shoulder, her long brown hair trailing down her back, but Matt not even noticing how much Linda really liked him. I closed the door behind me, chuckling slightly, and walked over to join them in the middle of the room, grabbing myself a beanbag.

"Hey, guys. What's up?"

"Not too much. Just Matt kicking ass like usual," Linda replied with a smile and utmost affection for the redhead in her voice. It was kind of repulsing, but I kept my comments to myself for once.

"What about you, Matt?" I asked my best friend.

"Uh-huh," he replied, totally out of it. His mind was so wrapped around the game he was playing that he didn't seem to notice what I'd asked.

"Ha, last I checked, 'what about you' wasn't a yes or no question, Matty." Sometimes I just couldn't believe how out of it he got when he was playing his games.

"Shit!" he must have died, "So, what'd you say?"

"I asked what was up."

"Oh, nothing much. Just died," he gestured towards his bloody corpse on the screen.

Matt started his game over and we all sat in almost silence, besides the music from the video games and when Matt cursed due to his player's death. I'd never seen the redhead play this game before, but he seemed to be good at it. It involved his player running around through a maze-like course and killing these weird looking zombie things. There consisted of twenty-five levels in all, and he got to the nineteenth one before he died and decided to give up for the time being.

It was late by that time, probably around 9:30, so we'd missed dinner, not that any of us really even cared. Matt and I said our good-byes to Linda and strolled back down the hall to our dorm, which I was dreading.

I'd left Near on such a bad note earlier that I had no idea how it would be like to see the little boy now. Would he bring up our conversation in front of Matt? Would he start ignoring me? Did I want him to ignore me? Or would he maybe get that emotionless look in his eyes? I shook my head a bit, but not enough for Matt to notice, at these disturbing thoughts that I could not answer properly; that I didn't want to answer.

Matt opened the door and tiptoed over to his bed, not getting into his pajamas, and immediately fell asleep. I gave him a what-are-you-smoking look, but understood his quiet behavior when I saw Near was fast asleep on his bed.

I closed the door as quietly as I could and changed into my favorite pajama pants, but had to wear a random Mountain Dew shirt of Matt's since my Hershey shirt was dirty. I turned out the lights and rolled into bed, nestling into the covers. I took a quick gander at my best friend, who was sleeping soundly, probably dreaming about beating one his most challenging games. I smiled at him, knowing how important he was to me. It was weird, but I randomly remember how much he means to me at the weirdest times, but whenever I do, I can never help but smile. I love Matt, not in some creepy homosexual way, but as a best friend, maybe even as a brother.

I then looked over at my other roommate. He was snuggled up in his pale blue comforter and cuddling with his faded bunny rabbit. His white locks were draped over his face slightly, but not in a bad way. They seemed to fall over his angelic face perfectly. His expression was so incredibly peaceful, he looked so innocent and calm. He looked…helpless. I was slightly freaked out at these thoughts, but I allowed them to continue, only because I was curious as to where they would lead me.

Near was helpless, just lying there on his bed, all pale and innocent. He looked so fragile, like if the softest feather tickled him, then he would break. I felt my face twist into near sadness. I didn't want this little child to break, in any way. I wanted to protect him from this cruel world, to keep him safe and whole. I didn't know how I'd do it, but at the moment, I decided to watch over that child until I couldn't protect him any more. I couldn't tell him what I was going to do, but I would do it; I'd be good at it, just like I am at everything else. I decided to be number one at protecting Near, and I vowed to succeed.

I grinned with compassion, rolled over, and for the first time in almost a year, I slept without any nightmares disturbing me.

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Wow, already so many views and whatnot. Yay! That makes me happy. Please keep reviewing.

-Bloodmuffins


	4. Anger and Kisses

(I still don't own the characters or anime.)

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Chapter 4

Monday.

A school day.

Near's first school day, at least that's what today was to me. To most of the other kids at Wammy's, today was just another Monday, with more school and more homework. But for Near and I it was something else, something more. Today signified the first actual day for Near. Today it would be decided which classes he should take, depending on how smart he is.

I figured he was smart, but when he walked through my classroom door, I was stunned. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw Near give my teacher a note and take a seat.

Of course his seat was next to me.

"What the hell are you doing in here?!" I whispered angrily.

He looked up at me like I was slow and missing something obvious. I raised an eyebrow to insist that he answer my question.

"I am here to learn, isn't that what classrooms are for?" was his reply.

"Well, duh. But I mean, why are you in _my_ classroom? This is the class for the smartest people."

"Oh, well I guess I'm one of the smartest people then," Near said with a modest grin. I just gaped.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Near was in all of my classes, which were the most advanced classes that a person could take. There was a test in our history class, and when the teacher told Near he didn't have to take it, Near said he'd take it anyway. I warned him how difficult the tests were, but he had just shrugged and said he'd take his chances. We got our tests back at the end of the period, and I got a 100%, but I missed the extra credit.

"Ha, beat that!" I challenged as I showed Near my returned test.

"Okay," he replied totally unphased by my impossible challenge. Or what I thought was an impossible challenge. I was wrong though, because Near showed me his test and at the top in the score box was 101%. My eyes grew wide and I suddenly felt nauseous. How could he, a little ten-year-old, have beaten me? No one has ever beaten me before. How did he do it?

"Are you okay? You look a little sick."

I blinked, nodded, and raced to my next class: Mathematics. I, of course, was in the most advanced math class, Honors Geometry. I hoped, no, I prayed that Near wouldn't be in this class, too. My prayer was in vain, and he took a seat next to me as usual.

There was a test in this class today, too. Once again Near insisted that he could take the test, but this time I didn't warn him against it. On the contrary, I needed him to take this test. I had to know if the History test had been a fluke, or if he really could beat me.

At the end of the period when we got our tests back Near and I both had 100%. I decided that he was smart, very smart, but the other test must have been a fluke. Still, it bugged me that he could even tie with me.

The rest of the week passed. Near remained in all my classes, and the teachers all seemed to love him. Throughout the week there were two more tests and many more pop quizzes, all of which Near was able to tie or beat me on. I didn't understand it, and I refused to believe it.

It was Friday night, Matt and I were hanging out in the game room. Matt was playing some game, I wasn't paying attention. I was in awe of the mysterious abilities that Near had stashed away. I had my chin cradled in my hands glumly. I hadn't yet told Matt about Near's incredible smarts and how he'd beaten me.

Matt wasn't in any classes with me, except lunch, but only because he never tried in school. Even without trying, he was in the second smartest classes for everything. If he tried he could easily manage to get into all of my classes, though he'll always be second to me. Being second doesn't bother him though. It bothers me, a lot.

My silence was sending off waves of depression, and Matt could feel it.

"All right, spill. What's up with you lately? You haven't been yourself."

"Ugh, Matt. It's nothing," I lied.

"Is not! Now fucking tell me, dude!"

"Fine," and I dove off into everything that happened during the week. I told him how Near was beating me. Had I been telling this story to anyone else, I probably would have hidden my true sadness and just thrown some stuff around and cussed in anger. But it's not like that with Matt. I can show him how I really feel, and by the time I finished my story, tears with strolling down my cheeks. I didn't care. I let them fall, though I knew I probably looked like a real mess.

Matt paused his game, and moved his goggles from his face to around his neck. He looked at me with concern and sympathy. I was grateful for it. He turned toward me on the couch and embraced me in a comforting hug. At first I was a little put off, but then I hugged him back, allowing my tears to evolve into sobs. I let it all out. We sat there perched on the couch like that for a long time.

Finally I blubbered, "He's gonna succeed L instead of me!"

Matt released me from his hug, but kept a grip on my shoulders, "No, he's not. You're number one and you always will be."

I shook my head mournfully. I was mourning my dreams, my plan, both of which had died.

"Matt, I had our whole life planned out," I'd stopped crying and I was telling him this like a normal person again, "I was going to succeed L, and you were going to come with me. I was going to be the greatest detective and you'd be there, too. But now…"

Matt looked at me affectionately, and said with strong emotion, "I didn't know you'd thought that far ahead. I had no idea you thought of me so strongly."

I looked at my friend in shock. How had he not known? Besides, his comment was a little random. I mean, weren't we supposed to be talking about Near? For both reasons my shock turned to a glare.

"What do you mean you didn't know? Are you retarded? Do you not want to come with me?"

"No, dude, I do. I really do."

I exhaled loudly, angrily, then said, "Well, I don't think it'll end up happening now anyway. Near's going to succeed L. Not me. Not you. It's time to come up with a new life plan, Matty." My voice broke and a few more tears broke loose, but I stopped them before I could start crying uncontrollably again.

Matt grabbed me around the waist and pulled me closer to him. He scooted over to the end of the couch and lay my head on his lap, so I was lying on the couch. I looked up at him questioningly, but he just put his goggles back in front of his eyes and and unpaused his game. Regardless, I curled up there on the couch and nestled my head into his lap, resting my hand on his leg. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my head, and it totally freaked me out. I realized then that it was just Matt, comfortingly stroking my hair. I relaxed again, grateful to the redhead for being here, and amazed that he could play his game with only one hand. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to wipe my mind of all upsetting thoughts, and it almost worked.

"Maybe I could beat Near."

My eyes snapped open. "What are you talking about, Matt? Get serious. You can't even beat me, so you won't be able to beat him."

Matt shrugged. "You never know. It could happen. Besides, maybe if I at least get switched up into your guys' class, then I could monitor the situation better."

That wasn't a bad idea. Actually, it was a pretty good idea. Why hadn't I thought of it?

"Okay, dude. Do what you want."

He nodded and returned to playing his game. I sat up, tired of lying down, and rested my head on Matt's shoulder; I wasn't quite ready to sit up all the way yet. Matt stole a sideways glance at me, but said nothing. He seemed to know that there was really nothing more he could say, nothing more he could do, to comfort me, so instead he let me be. It was probably a smart move on his part, for I didn't know how I might react to some unnecessary comment. I just wasn't in the right state of mind for that sort of thing right now. It's always made me happy that Matt seems to understand when those times are and to respect my silence when they come around.

"Aww, fuck!"

I slowly raised my head a couple of inches, asking, "Did you die again?"

"Ugh, yes! This game is so frickin' cheap! The fucking zombies have these nuclear ray beams that kill you in one hit, while you're stuck with a fucking shitty dagger! And if that wasn't enough, they also have tracking sensors that let them know where you are at all times. Do I get to know where they are? No, of course fucking not. I mean, honestly. How do they expect you to beat it when it's that fucking unfair?!"

I didn't understand a word of the explanation my friend gave me, but I nodded anyway.

"Do you want to go back to our room?" I asked thinking he'd probably gotten tired of dying, and I was getting pretty exhausted anyway.

My redheaded friend sighed but nodded, and we made our way out of the game room, down the hall, and back into our room. I led the way in, but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw our room. Or what _was_ our room.

The entire place was filled with a gigantic Lego structure. It covered every inch of floor space between the three beds, starting just a few inches past the door. Not only was it huge in area, but the thing was tall, too. I could barely see over it at my five feet, six inches.

Matt bumped into me, not knowing why I'd stopped, but then he saw the Lego masterpiece. I took another step into the room, looking eagerly for a way to maneuver to my bed. I groaned in anger and slid through the narrow pathway. Had I been any fatter, I wouldn't have fit. Luckily (for Near), both Matt and I were very skinny, so neither of us had too much of a problem.

"Near?" I called out into the vast pit of Lego's.

A small white head popped out of the far corner. "Yes?"

Matt gasped. He'd never heard the boy speak before, so his perfect ringing voice must have startled him.

I had to fight to control my anger. Near seemed to have no idea what a problem his stupid toy castle was going to cause. Either that or he didn't care.

"Near, why the hell are there Lego's covering my room?" I asked, voice shaking the littlest bit from my supposedly controlled anger.

Near looked all around him at his work, taking it in and weighing the problems it caused. He didn't seem to find any. "What problems?"

I glared. I said nothing, absolutely nothing, but I spoke wonders with my ice blue eyes. He met my enraged stare, but his face remained wrapped in some sort of invisible mask, not showing how he really felt. His face was blank, but at least his eyes weren't dead. Yet.

"Uh, Near?" Matt chipped in.

Near broke away from my glare to address Matt, "Yes?"

"Um, don't you think your Lego's take up kinda a lotta space?"

Near looked around him again. "Yes, they do. But do not worry, Matt. I calculated it perfectly so that you two would be able to get around the room to your desks and dressers and things. So, really, there is no need to worry."

I narrowed my eyes more. Calculated perfectly, huh? How could he be so sure?

"Oh, really? And how are you so sure that it's calculated so perfectly?" I asked coldly.

"I am sure because I measured it out exactly based on the widths of both of you, in other words how fat you two are. For example, if you look, I was able to build a little bit more on Mello's side of the room because he is a little bit skinnier than Matt. I was able to build most on my side because I am skinnier than both of you."

I didn't necessarily want to measure it out exactly, but the castle did seem to extend a bit further in my direction than it did in Matt's, and it seemed to go furthest of all toward Near's end of the room. But how did he know those measurements in the first place? That's what I really wanted to know.

Matt beat me to it. "Near, how do you know those measurements?"

The albino gave Matt a look that seemed to say "wow, you're stupid", but decided to answer the question. "I borrowed some of your clothes, measured it all out based on the size of the clothing, then built my castle making sure not to mess up the calculations."

Matt gaped, but I, instead of glaring, opened my eyes wide in anger, biting my lip slightly out of pure rage. Didn't he have any respect for people's privacy?

"What the hell makes you think you can just go through people's stuff like that? Who the hell gave you permission to touch _our_ stuff?!" My voice was loud and angry, not that I cared.

He returned my gaze, but did not show any sign of fear or of backing down. Matt watched us nervously, probably hoping that it wouldn't turn into a fight. Of course I knew it wouldn't, but Matt didn't know how Near could turn into a scary, apathetic zombie in less than a second. He would never fight me, even if I attacked him first.

"Look. I want this whole thing down by the time I get back," I commanded.

"Where you going, dude?" My goggled friend inquired.

"Just for a walk."

At that I left the room and set off out the dorm building, thankful for a chance to get outside. I walked about the orphanage grounds aimlessly, not paying attention to anyone, but enjoying the beautiful day.

The sky had a perfect amount a massive white clouds, fluffy as cotton candy. They seemed to come in every shape as they floated lazily through the cerulean glowing sky. A particularly puffy cloud strolled partially in front of the sun, blocking a majority of its rays from reaching the ground below. The rest of the sun's rays were peaking up and over the cloud, prisoners trying as hard as they may to escape the hold of the guarding cloud.

Across the lush grass I walked, intently thinking of the boy that had come to live with us. It was just so strange; first I hated him, then I wanted to protect him, maybe even be nice to him. But he just makes it so freaking hard! Deep down I know I want to fulfill my vow, but he just makes me so mad. Why does he do that? I mean, he beats me in class, steals my fame as number one, and pulls bullshit stunts like the Lego castle. Does he do it on purpose just to piss me off? I wanted to say yes to that question, just to blame him, but I knew that Near never intended to hurt me on purpose. Maybe that's why I could somehow find the strength to keep my promise and protect him, even though he ticked me off to no end. I'd have to try. I had to.

When I got back to the dorm, Near's Lego's were already down, and to my dismay, he was the only one in the room. I groaned internally and stalked over to his bed, where he sat, reading.

"Uh, Near?"

He didn't look up, didn't even make notice to the fact that I was there.

"Near?" I asked again.

The petite child sighed with mild anguish, "Yes?"

This reaction took me off guard. He sounded…hurt. Or perhaps I was just imagining it.

"I just wanted to say thanks for taking down your Lego's. It probably took a long time, so thanks."

"Why do you thank me? Did you even give me a choice?" Near's voice was quiet and frail, helpless. I was powerless to say anything against it.

Near broke the silence.

"I am sorry I built such an immense structure without first speaking to you about it. You were here first, this is your room. I should have asked. I am sorry. I am also sorry that I used your clothing as measuring tools without first getting your consent. It was stupid of me. Will you please forgive me?"

My first thought was: 'Who is this kid? Using words like consent and formally asking for forgiveness?' My next was: 'Wow, he really sounds sorry. I shouldn't have treated him so harshly. Ugh, now I feel bad.' Guess which one broke out.

"Near. I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't even really the Lego's themselves, it was more…everything else." I paused to see his reaction. He was looking up at me, obviously baffled. I continued, "I mean, you're like taking everything from me. You're number one in everything. You're stealing my dream from me, and it doesn't seem fair, though I know it is."

"But I am not…number one in everything. I am smart, sure, but…" his angelic voice trailed off into nothing.

"But what?" I was curious now.

"But…I am really not all that great. I could never succeed L, only you could do that, I think," he said, setting his book down and turning so that his whole body was facing me.

"Really?" My voice was soft, and it was obvious that I was under his spell.

"Yes, absolutely."

I sat next to him on his bed, looking into his eyes for the first time without being angry. He just sat there, perfectly still, allowing me to glance into his soul. I saw his true emotions, what he kept hidden from me with his invisible mask for so long. There was curiosity about my odd behavior that I always seemed to have around him. There was affection for me, though, too. I saw that he cared for me, though I could not see why. I saw age beyond that of even me, but also a young innocence burning. I saw past all the walls; I saw how truly afraid he was of this world, of how helpless he really was. He was like a lost sheep, no a lost lamb, crying out for someone to help him. I wanted to answer that cry.

Without thinking, I slowly bent myself closer to Near's pale face. His expression did not change, he was totally unsuspecting. But this wasn't about taking advantage, it was about showing this troubled child that I would be there for him.

His lips were warm against mine, and though we were only locked there for no more than a moment, I knew I'd gotten my message across. I didn't want to release him from me, but I knew I should, so reluctantly I did.

Our eyes met once again after our kiss had broken. This time wonder overruled all other emotions in his dark eyes. He didn't know what to make of my actions, and neither did I, but somehow it felt right.

Quite unexpectedly, Near scooted a little closer to me on his bed, so that we were only separated by a couple of inches. He tilted his head back so he could look me square in the eyes, and I let him. Now it was his turn to search into my soul, if he so desired. I wonder what he found there.

He reached up one little hand to touch my face. His warm hand trailed down the side of my face; I stayed perfectly still. Near then cradled my face in his petite hand and leaned it down toward him. He sat up to his full height and reached up his head, brushing my lips with his own in a return kiss.

I didn't know what to do. His lips didn't leave mine, so I closed my eyes and kissed him back gently. His hand never left my face, and he seemed to be sending off vibrant waves of heat, warming my heart.

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Hey, I hope you're all liking it so far! I could really use some reviews, though. I really want to know what people think, so please review!

-Bloodmuffins


	5. Worry and Betrayal

(Don't own characters or anime.)

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Chapter 5

Weeks passed. Near and I never mentioned our brief encounter to anybody. I'd honestly thought that things would seem…awkward after all that happened, but they didn't. Near and I were able to continue our lives as if nothing had happened at all. The pale child still got on my nerves and I still glared and yelled and lost control of my anger when he did, but that was probably for the best. It was probably a good thing that Matt didn't suspect anything, and as long as neither of us wavered, then he never would.

I had no regrets of kissing Near, and that's a fact. I was actually pretty happy that I had. Sure, it was a secret that had to be kept, even from Matt, but that didn't matter. None of it mattered. I just needed to keep the promise that I'd sealed with a kiss. I had to stay by the helpless child's side, no matter what. Of course, I had no idea how difficult that would be in the days to come…

On a Sunday afternoon, Matt and I were laying lazily in the game room, Matt playing the unfair zombie game, intent on beating it, while I watched and cheered him on. He was getting far, and we could both see victory over the game in sight. Except Matt just had to ruin it; he died…again. The redhead cussed, but decided to continue his zombie pursuit.

It was quiet, apart from the sounds coming off the game, and we were having a nice time.

"So, you seem to be over your fight with Near," Matt observed.

I flinched slightly, trying not to recall the memories of the previous night that were already flooding my mind…

Matt and I entered our dorm after dinner, which was Near-less again, only to find our room empty of all inhabitants. This puzzled the both of us, for Near was always in the room apart from classes and the occasional outing, but he was always there after dinner.

"Near?" Matt called to the ghost town of a room. There was no one there to reply. He shrugged. "I guess he went out."

I didn't think much of it either and changed into my pajamas, climbing into my bed and nibbling on some chocolate. I glanced at the clock as I grabbed a book; it was about seven o'clock. I flipped open the novel and began reading, enveloping my mind around the ever-changing story-line. As minutes passed, however, I became antsy. It was now eight, and my roommate still was not back. I attempted, unsuccessfully, to shrug off my concern for the boy, but I found myself checking the clock every few minutes, desperately hoping Near would burst through the door. My hopes were in vain as nine o'clock turned to nine-thirty, and nine-thirty turned to ten.

I slammed my book shut and began to pace furiously around the room. I glared intently at the ground, eating my chocolate with dangerous distemper, as I impatiently waited for the albino to reenter our dorm.

"Ugh! Where is he?!" I exclaimed to no one in particular.

"Dude, chill. He's just having a life for once. Why are you totally spazzing so much?" Matt answered my angered exclamation.

I stopped my pacing, facing my best friend, and looked at him like he was insane, before continuing my violent storming about the room. Impatience was consuming me whole, and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to wait for that idiot of a child to return.

It was a long while later, much to my animosity, that the bedroom door creaked open, emerging from behind it, Near. He sauntered into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him, and crossed the room to his bed, without paying any attention to my furious pacing. He lay down, oblivious that my anger was directed toward him.

"Where the fucking hell were you?!" I exploded at the child.

He snapped up to a sitting position, a look of bewilderment etched into his face.

"Well?" I inquired again, this time with even more ice in my voice.

"I-I w-w-was at someone's dorm," Near answered, not knowing why he was stuttering.

"Whose dorm?!"

"Mello. Calm the fuck down, man," Matt cut in, not understanding why I cared so much about where Near was.

"Matt, stay out of it," I said as calmly as I could, not wanting to take my anger out on my best friend. I then continued angry as ever, "Whose dorm, Near?!"

The other boy's eyes widened in what looked like fear, and he stammered, "L-L-Linda's. Sh-She needed help with h-homework."

It seemed like a likely story, and I believed him one hundred percent, but I was still pissed at him. I mean, how was I supposed to protect him if he just ran off without telling me? I know this whole thing probably sounds pretty irrational, but I was really genuinely worried the whole time.

So, instead of letting it drop as was, I screamed, "Never do that again! Tell me before you leave the dorm on your own like that! How the fuck am I supposed to protect you if you run off like that?!"

Near nodded, clearly frightened, and went to sleep.

"Earth to Mello," Matt snapped me out of my recollection.

"Huh? What?"

"I said, you seem to be over your fight with Near."

"Oh, yeah. Whatever."

"Well, if you're over it, then I guess you won't mind explaining why you freaked out so much," the redhead said with a curious, but slightly cocky, grin.

I gave him a look and asked, "Well, what do you wanna know?"

His conceited grin grew wider.

"Well, let's start by telling me why you said you were protecting him."

"Matt, that's…complicated," I replied, "I don't think I can explain it properly."

"Well, try," Matt said, totally unphased by my answer.

"I…I gave him a…"I almost said 'I have him a kiss', but I caught myself, "I gave him a promise that'd I'd protect him. That's all."

"Oh. Well, that doesn't explain why you freaked out so much that he was gone. Like seriously dude, you should have seen yourself last night. It wasn't pretty."

I felt my hands start to shake, followed closely by the rest of my body. I hoped Matt wouldn't notice, and of course he was blissfully oblivious as he played his game. I deliberated for a few minutes, but decided that I should be able to tell Matt what was going on, and what had happened a few weeks ago.

"Matt. I can't explain it, trust me I've tried figuring it out myself. But I care about Near…a lot."

"Oh, how much?" my friend inquired curiously.

"I don't know the answer to that either, but I can tell you one thing. And that's that a few weeks ago, Near and I kissed," I finished and shut my eyes, waiting for Matt to…actually I don't know how I expected him to react. But I thought he'd explode or something. All, however, was quiet.

I opened my eyes and peeked at my redheaded friend who had paused his game and through his goggles I could see that his face was twisted in some sort of agony. I felt my own features shape themselves in a mask of horror.

"Matt? What's wrong?"

"…You…kissed him?" Matt's voice shook with what sounded like a strange mixture of anger and sadness.

I gulped quietly and nodded.

"But…" Matt began, took a deep breath, looked me in the eyes, then continued, "what about us?"

I gave my friend a confused and slightly disgusted look, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Obviously I don't, Matty, or I wouldn't ask," I snapped in response.

"Well, you yourself said that you wanted me to come with you when you succeed L, or when you do whatever it is you do. And I'm always here for you, no matter what. I listen to you, hug you, let you cuddle up on my lap. We've been friends for a long time now, we're pretty much inseparable. I just thought there was sort of something there," Matt shrugged before finishing, "don't you?"

I didn't answer, not right away. Instead I thought about what Matt had said. All of it was true. Wow, I never realized how much I depended on him. I never really took all those things into account and thought of them that way. But now he mentioned it…there was sort of something there, but I wasn't sure I wanted to admit it. I wasn't sure that I _could_ admit it.

When I didn't respond, my goggled friend sat up on his bean bag, facing my idle body which was resting on some blankets on the floor. He took my face in his immense hand and tilted it toward him, forcing me to face him. I didn't react at all; I just lay flat on my back in my nest of blankets, my leather shimmering in the light of the room.

Matt knelt over me, bending down and kissing me gently. My bright blue eyes widened, but returned to normal soon, for this felt right, just as it had with Near. I allowed Matt to kiss me, I even kissed him back.

The redhead gently tangled his hands in my blonde hair and he straddled on top of me. I stopped, looking up at him with uncertainty. He whispered in my ear, "It's okay, just trust me."

I couldn't not trust him, so I resumed my kissing, letting his tongue pry my mouth open and explore its depths. After a moment's hesitation, I did the same, pushing my own tongue into every crevice it could get to, while still having Matt's do the same to me. I lightly bit Matt's bottom lip, a gesture which he returned playfully.

This went on, the two of us making out on the game room floor, and playfully biting each other. After a while, though, Matt pulled away and looked at me, forcing a blush to emerge on my face. I looked away sideways, and the boy on top of me chuckled in amusement.

"Embarrassed?" he asked, still laughing.

I looked back at him, shaking my head in objection. "No, not embarrassed. I never knew…" I let my voice fade into nothing.

Matt looked at me questioningly. "Never knew what?"

"That I…I think I…." I didn't know if I'd be able to finish my statement, but I forced myself, "I love you."

I then saw something that I'd never seen before. A single tear rolled down Matt's cheek from beneath his goggles. He smiled the widest smile that I'd ever seen. I just felt so remarkably happy that I could cause such joy for him.

I propped myself up and embraced the redhead in a massive hug.

"But what about Near?" Matt's soft question was almost impossible to hear, but I heard it.

I pulled away from our hug and lightly pushed Matt off of me. I bit my lip in concentration as I thought of what to do about Near. After a couple silent minutes, I was able to devise a plan.

"Matt, I can't just break my promise to Near, that's a fact," I began, and when he objected I put a finger up to quiet him, and continued, "I can't do that, but I don't have to be in love with the kid to keep my promise. I can love you and still look out for him. I still care for him, but I think I care about you more. So that's just how it'll have to be."

Matt made no objection to my plan, something that greatly surprised me. He nodded, agreeing that it was the best way. With one last kiss, my new (can you believe it?) boyfriend pulled me to my feet, and we set off back to our room to get ready for bed.

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Here's chapter 5. Please enjoy and review!

-Bloodmuffins


	6. Confrontation and Abuse

(Don't own characters or anime.)

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Chapter 6

That night I lay in bed for what felt like hours, not able to fall asleep. I knew I'd have to confront Near the next day, and I wasn't entirely sure how to do that. I needed to get my facts straight.

First of all, I love Matt. It's a bit pathetic that it took a dramatic confession and a make-out session in the game room to realize it, but it's a fact. Secondly, I made a promise to Near. A very important promise that I sealed with a kiss. I have to keep that promise no matter what. But after already kissing the kid, how do I suddenly say, "Oh yeah, I love Matt now even though I thought I loved you like the day before. Well, I'll be here if you need me, but don't interrupt me and Matt's private time"? 'Cause that's basically what I have to tell him, but I can't say it like that. I don't want to come off as a complete asshole if I can avoid it.

Stars shined brightly outside the window. They reflected upon Near's brilliant skin. The full moon's glow shimmered radiantly off his hair, and even his raggedy stuffed animal appeared brand new and beautiful.

I felt an unseen force tugging at the seams holding my heart together. I felt like no matter what I did, I lost. Either I lost the little angel I'd just met, or I lost the loyal best friend I'd slowly fallen in love with. I curled into a ball on my bed and closed my eyes tight, willing for the pressure of having my eyes shut to block out all displeasing thoughts. Though it helped very little, eventually I felt my consciousness slip, and my routinely nightmare soon took the place of my Hellish thoughts.

Morning.

Matt had left to get breakfast, leaving Near and I in the dorm alone together. This was my perfect opportunity to break all lovey things off with the pale child once and for all.

But he looked up at me with those trusting dark eyes, and he twirled his soft white hair innocently. I bit my lip angrily at my own weakness, as I couldn't find it in me to tell him. Sure, he'd find out eventually, but was it really necessary for me to break it to this delicate little boy like this, early in the morning when he's not expecting it?

Of course I should have broken it off right then and there. But I had no idea how it would affect things later, otherwise I would have. Oblivious as I was, however, I did not tell the child yet.

It was later that very same day that everything came spiraling downward.

Near and I were working on a class project on the floor of our room. Matt was at Linda's. Everything was totally normal. Just two friends working on a science project.

Or at least, that's how it probably appeared to the casual observer.

He didn't think I noticed every time his charcoal eyes darted to glance at me and darted away again before he thought I would notice. He didn't realize that I, too, felt the force of energy every time he casually brushed his cold, pale hand against mine. He didn't think I could place the emotion in his eyes every time he asked me a question, but I could. It was some sort of longing. He longed for me, yearned for me. I wondered numbly what emotion my cerulean eyes showed back.

An angelic cold hand touched mine, but it didn't brush away. It stayed there. A shy gray gaze stared at our hands while my own icy blue gaze glanced at our hands then back to the albino child's face. Cheeks that were once snow white were now tinted pink as the lightest of blushes bled through his skin. His eyes shot up suddenly, catching my line of sight and forcing me stare at him in bewilderment.

I have no idea how long we stayed like that, gray and blue eyes boring into each other, but before I knew what happened, I felt something soft and cold on my lips. It took me a moment to comprehend that it was his lips pressed against mine. I blinked in surprise and panicked. What should I do? I was legally taken by Matt, so I could hardly kiss him back, but his lips were so soft…..

No! I wouldn't betray Matt like that!

I shoved the boy off me, causing him to crash into Matt's bed hard. He coughed in spite of himself and stared at me with wide, confused eyes. My eyes were also wide, but not in confusion. Mine were wide in anger. How dare he attack me like that?!

"Near, what are you doing?!" I asked, enraged.

He bit his almost-white lip sadly. "I was kissing you," he replied in a feeble voice.

I rolled my eyes. "I got that part. Why were you kissing me?"

He looked up at me in complete bafflement. He didn't seem to know how to respond to my question. I waited almost patiently while he tried to conceive some sort of answer.

When he didn't answer, I grew annoyed.

"Well?" I inquired impatiently, crossing my arms across my chest.

"I-I thought that….But you…..I thought…." His voice shook miserably with a sad attempt at holding back tears.

"You thought what?" I demanded again.

"I thought you liked me!" the pale child exclaimed dejectedly.

I bit my lip in distaste. I'd forgotten that he had no idea about Matt and I; I'd forgotten that I hadn't told him yet. Still, it was a bit uncalled-for to go around kissing me out of the blue like that, though. I took a deep breath before explaining.

"Look, Near. I'm sorry, but I don't think of you that way," I paused, waiting for his reaction, but he didn't react, so I continued, "I think you're a great friend and all, but I already have someone else…." My voice trailed off unexpectedly.

Tears brimmed dark eyes. I shifted and looked away uncomfortably.

"Since when?" the boy asked simply, "'cause not too long ago, you were the one who kissed me."

"I know, Near. I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I wasn't thinking."

"You didn't answer my question."

I took a sharp inhale of breath before answering, "Yesterday."

"So, you found this person after you kissed me." It wasn't a question.

"Well, I guess you could put it that way. But it was more like I just didn't realize how I felt about him until yesterday."

"So it's a him? Is it Matt?"

I wasn't sure if I should answer truthfully or not. Everything the boy said was filled with utmost apathy, making it impossible for me to tell how he really felt and how he would react. I decided to go with truth, though, thinking it was probably my best bet at this point. "Yes, it's Matt."

A white head nodded slowly. A pale face betrayed no emotion.

I heard footsteps coming down the hall toward the room. Near cocked his head at the sound. It looked like he was calculating something. I knew it must be Matt out there, on his way back from Linda's. Without warning, Near's face went from calculating to plotting, and it took me no more than a few moments to put two and two together.

But a few moments was too long.

Near was on top of me before I knew what happened. His lips crushed mine, all earlier softness gone. His cold, now dead-feeling hands tangled themselves in my blonde hair and caressed my face. I was being viciously pinned against the ground by the child on top of me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

He moaned softly as he forced his tongue into my mouth and bit my lip meaningfully. I winced, struggling to get free. I couldn't. Near's hand dropped from my face to the hem of my shirt, where it then traveled upward on bare skin. I groaned disgustedly, glaring not daggers but fifty foot swords at the rapist albino on top of me.

Before anything else could happen, the doorknob turned. I closed my eyes, waiting for my life to end.

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Ah, I'm sorry! Chapters have been getting shorter and shorter lately. That doesn't mean that there will be any less story, though. Just less at a time. Sorry! Please review!

-Bloodmuffins


	7. Friendship and Justice

(I don't own the characters or anime.)

Chapter 7

Matt and I were sitting in science class at the same lab table. The only reason we were together was because we had assigned seats and Matt couldn't convince the teacher to move him, but trust me, he tried. My best friend had scooted his chair as far away from me as the table space would allow and he wouldn't so much as acknowledge me. It had been this way since Matt walked in on Near raping me.

_The door slowly opened, and I kept my eyes shut tight. I didn't want to see what would soon happen. Matt emerged, happy as ever, slamming the door behind him. He must have heard some sign of my struggle on the floor because he glanced up from his gameboy to the sight before him. He mistaked my desperate struggles and cries for help as intimate moans. _

_The redhead literally dropped his gameboy, causing me to open my eyes and instantly widen them in surprise. His goggles were around his neck so I had a clear view of his emerald eyes as they brimmed with tears. Those tears promptly brimmed over, sliding down the gamer's face, and dripping off his chin onto his black and white striped shirt. _

_It broke my heart to see him like this; feeling so sad and betrayed. I tried to call out to him, but it came out as a sort of groan. My friend took a step back, his eyes being filled with reinforcement tears. When I attempted to reach out to him, Near grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the floor. The disgusting albino's hand then traveled from up my shirt to the waistline of my pants. My blue eyes widened once again in terror, silent pleas echoing in my brain that he didn't reach down there. _

_Matt saw my wide eyes as shocked orbs of pleasure. He took two more steps backward before turning and darting out of the room._

_It was then that I was finally able to shove Near off of me. Black holes stared at me as the boy crawled onto his bed. I fell back against mine, my own tears forming as I realized that the nightmare that had just played before my eyes had really just happened._

_Matt didn't speak to me that night, nor has he so much as muttered anything to me since that horrible night. _

The bell rang and I gathered up my books, quickly rushing out of the lab to catch up to Matt who was already nearly out the door.

"Matt!" I called, trying to apologize and explain for the fifty trillionth time.

The redhead kept walking. He didn't nod his head to acknowledge my presence. He didn't say a word.

"Matt!" I yelled again, sprinting up to his side. I grabbed his arm and forced him to face me.

The hurt in the boy's eyes was indescribable. The usually energetic green orbs were dull forest leaves that had been sitting in the shade for far too long. He just stared at me for a few seconds before saying in an equally injured voice, "Just leave me alone."

I dropped my hand, releasing him from my grip. Trudging back to my room I thought to myself "Great, so he noticed I exist. But now he freaking hates my guts!"

This cycle was repeated every day after science. I would run up to my old best friend, and that friend would tell me to stay away from him. He never looked any less hurt when he answered me. Every day I came closer and closer to tears. Once a few tears actually did escape my eyes after Matt had turned and walked away. I was at a loss for what to do. How was I supposed to apologize if he wouldn't even listen to me?

Living together did not help matters. The redhead stayed out of the room, probably at Linda's, every second of free time he had. The only time he returned to the dorm was at night when he had to get to sleep. Even then all he'd do was climb onto his bed, huddled against the wall, and go to sleep. He didn't leave me any opportunities to talk to him about what he saw.

Obviously Near was just playing dumb. I overheard Matt question the boy once when they both thought I was asleep.

"Near?" Matt had called out to the albino.

"Yes, Matt?" the said albino had answered.

"Why was Mello kissing you?" the redhead had to force the words out, and even so his voice almost cracked.

The pale child's voice was soft velvet when he answered, completely emotionless and not betraying the truth he knew, "I don't know, Matt. It took me by surprise as well."

I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming at the devious piece of shit.

Matt nodded slowly, not too satisfied with the answer he was given. "So, you have no idea? You're sure?" the boy in stripes pressed.

"None whatsoever, Matt. But if you'd like, you could ask Mello. He is the criminal in the matter. He knows why he did what he did." That kid's monotone was starting to really get on my nerves. Why couldn't Matt realize how unnaturally calm and unemotional he was being? Why couldn't he see that he was hiding something?

"He would, wouldn't he?" Matt responded, "but I don't wanna talk to him. I never want to talk to that betraying bastard again."

Tears rolled down my cheeks at his words. I couldn't stop them and I didn't try to. I kept quiet, however, and eventually was able to cry myself to sleep.

Finally, a few weeks after Near's plot, I was able to get Matt alone in our room.

"Matt."

The redhead glanced up from his gameboy, the usual hurt already set in his eyes.

"Matt, please let me talk to you. Please let me explain!" I exclaimed in a pathetic pleading tone.

Matt's eyes averted back to his game, and he went back to thoroughly ignoring me.

I couldn't handle this anymore. I couldn't deal with my best and only friend being angry at me. I finally snapped, tears pouring down my face at an alarming rate. My head bowed, and blonde hair fell in my face. My cheeks were red from crying, but I honestly didn't care. I fell to my knees, causing my leather pants to squeak. I buried my head in my hands miserably.

Looking up, I met Matt's emerald gaze. He looked shocked, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I didn't blame him. I was a pretty pathetic sight, and I never cried in front of other people. But I did now. And I didn't care. I _wanted_ Matt to see how miserable I was without him.

Still crying almost hysterically on the floor, I sobbed, "Matt! I didn't do anything! Near attacked me, I swear!" my sobs turned hysteric, "You have to believe me!"

The gamer stared down at me. He seemed to be struggling to find the truth. He wanted to believe me, but after what he saw, he wasn't sure he could. Seeing this, I added, "Matt, let me explain. Please!"

He bit his lip, but finally nodded hesitantly. I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself enough to tell the story. I started by saying how Near and I were just working on a science project, nothing out of the ordinary. I then told my friend how Near had grabbed my hand and didn't let go. I described how Near had kissed me suddenly, and how I explained to the child how I was now with Matt. I took another deep breath there, stealing a glance at Matt who had remained surprisingly calm during my account of events.

I continued by giving a detailed description of Near's calculating then plotting face when we heard Matt coming down the hall. I told the redhead how the albino had then pounced me and pinned me to the ground, making out with me violently.

"And, well, you know the rest," I finished lamely.

"Near…..wouldn't…..do that," Matt replied in defiance, but his face told me he believed me.

"Matt, I swear it's true! He was jealous that I had picked you over him and he wanted to get revenge."

At that moment, the gamer began crying. I blinked in shock. He bounded off the bed and landed on top of me, giving me the biggest bear hug I had ever received. I blinked a few more times, almost not believing what was happening. Then I let out a long breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding and smiled ever so slightly. I embraced Matt into a monstrous hug of my own, and my smile grew as I realized that we had really made up.

"Oh, Mello! I never wanna fight with you ever again!" the redhead sobbed into my chest.

"Me neither," was my quiet response.

Since that day, Matt and I had plotted countless revenge plans to use against Near. We never actually did any of them, but it was still fun to come up with them. I never forgave the child, and eventually we convinced Roger to remove him from our room.

The albino glared almost unnoticeably at us as he packed his bags. His bed had already been moved to its new location in a newly empty room. Served that bastard right to be alone. Soon he finished packing his small suitcases with all his toys and few clothes. He grabbed his raggedy rabbit stuffed animal off the ground and walked past us with his nose in the air.

"Psht," I snorted. I mean, he was trying to hold onto his pride? Puhh-leazz. He had none left. Matt and I had told the whole school the "revised version" of what happened, which included a non-homosexual account of the boy's plot. In the end, everyone believed us over him, and now practically the entire student body hated him. He had nothing, he had no one. He was all alone. He reminded me of a little lost sheep.

Near exited our dorm and left the majority of my life. I smiled so wide at the thought that my face might have cracked.

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This might be the shortest chapter yet. I'm sorry. They just keep getting shorter. Maybe they'll lengthen up again, I don't know. I don't decide the length of the chapters, I just stop when something really new happens.....if that makes sense. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!

-Bloodmuffins


	8. Emptiness and Mutilation

(I do not own the characters or anime.)

Chapter 8

Late-night studying.

I had three difficult tests the next day, and my goal was to get higher scores than Near.

It had been about a month since Near moved out, and since then I've been trying more than ever to rise to the top and beat him. I've been putting in countless hours of studying, but to no avail. Our competition had escalated to outside of the classroom, everything we did was a contest to see who was number one. Still, the child beat me in everything we did whether it be schoolwork, sports, video games, anything.

Thinking these thoughts, I stopped reading my notes and rested my neck in my hands as if to strangle myself, though I was just resting my head. I took a deep breath and blinked slowly, deliberately.

I was currently studying for a Chemistry test. I was in the midst of memorizing a series of compounds and solutions that would not help me at all whatsoever, except to possibly beat Near. Or they would betray me and lead me to be second yet again.

I realized all of a sudden how incredibly pointless this studying was. I already knew all of it, and it's not like the extra studying was going to help me beat my rival. He would still beat me, and I would be that much more upset because I had sacrificed so many pointless hours of studying and memorizing.

I shoved my desk chair back so abruptly, it even surprised me. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling slightly nautious. Taking another deep breath, I closed my eyes dizzily. Nothing felt real. Everything felt pointless. I would never beat Near, I would never be number one, and most importantly, I would never become the next L. All I would do in life was try and fail.

The truth of my thoughts hit me hard. It was all so cruel, the way the world was set up to smite me down.

I bit my lip as tears rolled down my pained face. I felt utterly worthless, like I didn't deserve anything I had. Maybe Matt was better off with someone smarter, someone _better_. I felt like a complete waste of space, and the hollow uselessness made me hate myself.

Not looking away, I dropped my utensil from my hand. My blue eyes were wide with shock. The object hit the ground, and I peered down at it. It's blade glistened in the bathroom light, red shimmering like the sunset. I fixed my gaze back at my arm, crimson liquid erupting from fresh wounds and dripping from my wrist. I blinked and shook my head in surprised disbelief.

I bent down and picked up my leather vest, putting it on and zipping it up slowly. I rolled my eyes at my own idiocy. I had made them low and it's not like I had sleeves to cover them up. I sighed, oh well. Picking up my razor, I washed it off. I then licked the blood off my wrist, it's coppery taste surprising delicious. When the wounds stopped bleeding, I shoved my razor in my pocket, turned off the bathroom light, and walked out the door.

That had been my first cutting session. I never thought it would make me feel any better. On the contrary, I'd always thought that was just some ridiculous tall tale teenagers told each other to see who was stupid enough to actually try it.

I was wrong.

I can't explain why, but the wounds I inflicted made me feel real again. They made me feel like I _should_ keep trying and going for the top spot. It brought everything back into perspective.

"What's that?" Matt asked, gesturing to the two uneven slices on my right wrist when I entered the classroom.

I shrugged. "Nothing."

The redhead rose a brow, clearly not believing my response. Damn, he could be so perceptive sometimes.

"Really, it's nothing. I just cut myself in the bathroom is all." He couldn't comprehend the truth in my words.

"How'd you manage that?" He was laughing at me.

"Stupid haircut lady messed up my bangs, so I was fixing 'em." I shrugged again. "The scissors slipped."

This time the gamer shrugged and we began to actually pay attention in class.

I was much more careful after that. Since I wore a sleeveless vest day of my entire life, it was stupid to make the cuts on my wrists. Instead, I used my stomach and chest, but higher than the part that was seen as my vest shows a bit of stomach. When I wasn't feeling digging into my bare underbelly, I slashed at my legs instead. It was easier to hide this way. This way Matt wouldn't find out.

The start of a new semester.

I groaned angrily; I was being forced to take P.E.

Instead of happily sitting on my ass studying and pounding down chocolate, I'd be forced to sacrifice an hour or so of my day to physical activity. Not only that, I would have to change in front of all the other boys. Talk about creepy. Not to mention, this would give everyone a brilliant view of my scars.

Matt and I were walking leisurely to the locker room. He didn't seem to mind having to take P.E. As a matter of fact, he seemed to be looking forward to it. His good mood did not rub off on me.

Our lockers were right next to each other in the far corner of the room, secluded from everyone else, and much to my enjoyment. Until, that is, I had stripped down to my boxers.

"Dude, Mello! What happened to you?" Matt questioned with wide jade eyes that were tracing the lines of scars on my legs and chest.

I looked away, embarrassed and almost ashamed, hurrying to get my gym uniform on. I was just glad Matt's loud and obnoxious question hadn't alerted anyone else.

"It's nothing, Matt. Shut up," I said in a quiet tone.

The younger boy blinked, not understanding my response. I sighed, but said nothing else about it.

Gym class was torture. First, we were forced to run five laps around the track ring. Then we had to work out doing push-ups and crunches till our arms and stomachs were about to break from strain. After that, we had to do one hundred jumping jacks and finish the day off with another lap around the ring.

Matt practically had to drag me back to the locker room. I didn't think my arms would work long enough for me to change back into my leather, but they held out. When my clothes were off again, save my boxers, the gamer stared intently at the scars tracing my body, but he said nothing, which pleased me.

Every day onward, Matt would stare and stare at the marks when we'd change. I wondered if he noticed if the number increased as the days went by. He never said anything, but he seemed to be calculating something. I knew he'd bring it up again eventually, but I wished he wouldn't.

"Mello?"

"Yes, Matt?" I replied as I was putting my gym clothes right-side out. I was standing vulnerably in boxers, a bad decision.

"Last week you had seventeen scars. Now you have thirty-four. Why do you keep getting all cut up? Is someone beating up on you?" the redhead asked concernedly.

I bit my lip. So he'd caught on. Damn, what would I tell him? I was much too cowardly to outright tell him I was cutting myself. Maybe if he guessed it I would be able to admit it to him. Until then, though….

"It's nothing, Matt, honest. I'm just clumsy." I tried to laugh it off.

The younger boy didn't respond. I thought maybe he'd accepted my answer and I'd hear nothing more about it. I was wrong.

Nighttime. Our dorm.

I was studying and reviewing some homework, and Matt was playing video games. Or so I thought.

"Mello, get undressed."

I blushed and turned to look at the gamer.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"Get undressed," he repeated, "let me see your body."

As perverted as it sounded, not that I really minded, I knew what he meant. I sighed. So he hadn't forgotten or let it go as I had hoped.

"I'm not gonna be able to change your mind, am I?" As powerful as my powers of persuasion were, there were some things I couldn't win on. Not against Matt.

Matt shook his head.

I unzipped my vest and allowed it to fall to the floor.

"Well?" I asked, staring at the redhead's face for his reaction.

"Take your pants off, too," was all he said.

I sighed, but obeyed. There I stood, in my short boxers, scars lining my skin. There were fresh marks, too. Ones that I'd made earlier that day.

Matt set his gameboy down and approached my slowly, cautiously, as if he thought I might not let him. His hand shook as he extended it out to touch a disgustingly deep gash right over my heart. I winced slightly as he touched it, not out of pain. Keeping his hand there, Matt concluded, "You did all this yourself."

I didn't answer. There was no need to. He'd figured it out. He knew the truth. Still he voiced it.

"You did all this by yourself to yourself, didn't you?" He looked up at me with sad eyes.

I bit my lip. I nodded slowly.

Matt's emerald eyes ran all over my scarred and broken body. It was like he couldn't take it in, like he didn't understand how or why.

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Well, this is all I have written right off hand. No, I have about one line of chapter nine typed, but I basically know how it's going to start off and it's all smooth sailing from there. I am debating some things, though. Like, I don't know if Matt should mad at Mello or not. Also, I'm debating whether Matt should get mad and end up going with Near for awhile. Then again, that almost seems like too much hopping around between boys for all of them. Ugh, I can't decide, which might halt my writing for a bit. Sorry in advance. Any ideas are always appreciated, as are other kinds of reviews.  
-Bloodmuffins


	9. Rehab and Arguments

(I don't own Death Note or the characters.)

Chapter 9

"Why'd you do it?" Matt finally asked.

I didn't answer the redhead, not wanting to admit my pathetic weakness. Instead I remained silent, watching his eyes search me for any marks he might not have seen yet. His fingers were running all over the scars, tracing them. His hands were soft, cool against my skin. Had this been happening under any other circumstances, it would have been quite sexual.

"Mello, come on. Tell me why you're hurting yourself like this," the gamer said, retracing the scar on my chest.

I sighed, pulled away from his would-be-wonderful touch, and sat on the edge of my bed. Green eyes followed me. I rested my head in my hands, embarrassed by the whole thing. It was just so hard to admit all that had been happening.

Matt seemed to sense I was going to answer him soon, because he didn't push. He just knelt there, on the floor, watching me. I didn't dare look up to see his expression. What if he was angry?

"Matt," I began, taking a deep breath, "Matt, I can't help it. Lately, I just feel so….worthless. So pointless and underserving. I'm not good at anything I do, I'm always second. Near beats me in everything, no matter how hard I try. And I get mad and be mean to people I care about. And then I get to thinking that," I could hardly continue. Tears were almost leaking from my sky blue eyes. My breathing was growing ragged, as it does when I'm about to cry. I finally continued, "I start to think that….you deserve better. You should have someone who is smarter and better than I am. I can't think of any reason you'd wanna stay with me, and I get scared, Matt, I do. I get scared you're going to leave me, and I don't want you to. But I can't be the person you should have, and I get so scared," I realized I was repeating myself and rambling, so I stopped talking and just let tears fall silently and not to the strength they wished to flow.

Minutes passed, and Matt hadn't said or done anything. I was sure that he was going to call me pathetic and leave.

Suddenly there was an arm around my shoulder. I was being pulled closer to that arm's body. Another arm wrapped around me in a full-blown hug. I still didn't look up, but I rested my head on a striped shoulder. Eventually I couldn't stand it anymore,and I threw my arms around the redhead's neck and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Matt, I'm so sorry," I cried sadly.

"Shh, Mells. It's okay," he replied gently. I was glad he didn't seem to be angry.

"Matt, I'll never do it again. I promise," I said regradless of his hushing.

"Mello, I'll never leave you, so don't worry anymore. You're perfect just the way you are. Don't be so insecure, 'cause everything's okay, I promise. Forget Near, forget these delusional worries. Everything's going to be alright," Matt whispered soothingly in my ear.

My tears soon subsided, and I hugged Matt much tighter, never wanting to let go. He was playing with my hair, a calming gesture I liked.

Too soon, the redhead pulled out of our hug, looking down at me with those beautiful emerald eyes. I stared back. I could tell just by his eyes that he wasn't mad at me at all.

I suddenly remembered something, and hopped off the bed, walking over to my desk. I felt Matt's gaze follow me as I moved. I reached into the bottom drawer, into a box, and pulled out my razor. I stood motionless, staring at it for an eternity. Finally, I turned, walked extremely slowly back to my bed, and held the razor out to the boy sitting there.

At first Matt looked puzzled, then he seemed to understand. I wanted him to take my razor, as if to confirm that I would never use it again. He reached out and accepted my promise, staring intently at the flecks of rust that had somehow accumulated on the blade. He shoved the disgusting object into his jeans pocket, removing it from my view forever.

I took an uneven breath. Matt stood, putting his arm around my waist in response.

The next few days were brutal. I found myself looking around anxiously and glaring at things way more than usual.

As if to taunt me, three days after Matt confiscated my razor, the worst thing happened in my math class. Near beat me. Well, that (sadly) wasn't exactly new. But he beat me badly, as in he got a perfect score on the test, plus extra credit, while I got an A minus. Not only that, but another person beat me, too! So, not only did Near beat me horribly, but this one other random kid (his name's Mark, I think) also beat me! I was so devastated, I could hardly speak. I glared at the both of them all the rest of the day.

When I told Matt about what had happened, he just shrugged casually, making light of the subject. This pissed me off to no end.

"Matt! You could at least TRY to care a LITTLE!" I screamed violently.

The look the other boy gave me was absolutely disgusting. It was a cross between pity and concern, neither of which I liked. Still, however, he said nothing, so I continued.

"I mean, shouldn't you at least try to give a rat's ass about me?! Especially when I feel like shit like this?!"

The forest green eyes watching shifted from pitying to confusion, though I did not understand why.

I was close to tears again, and, again, I couldn't understand why I should cry over something like this. My voice went on, though it wasn't me speaking, "Matt, you don't know how hard this is! I was actually THIRD today! What if it becomes a trend,and I stay at the bottom forever?"

The redhead's eyes were almost angry now, though they continued to show fiery confusion.

"Mello, get a grip!" his voice was strangely enraged. It took me aback. In the same tone Matt continued, "I'm third every day, Mello, and you don't hear me so much as complain, and here you are throwing a goddamn hissy fit over it. It's pathetic."

His voice rang out angrily, and it shocked me to hear him like this; I never had before.

"But Matt, you don't care about being first or succeeding L or anything," I said, if only for a feeble defense against too-true words.

Black and red striped shoulders shrugged.

"That doesn't make much a different, Mello," he replied before adding in an almost hurt tone, "I can't believe you questioned if I care about you. I can't believe you…." The boy's voice shook and trailed off.

"Matt, when did I…?" I didn't even remember through all my rage what I had said.

"You said, 'you could at least try to care about me a little', then you said 'shouldn't you at least try to give a rat's ass about me"."

I thought back desperately. I vaguely recalled saying something along those lines. I shuddered, already regretting the words.

Silence consumed the room for many minutes.

"Mello, do you really have to ask if I care about you? Don't you know by now that you're the only thing I care about?" Matt asked, breaking the silence like a pebble dropping on a smooth pond.

"Matt, I…I didn't mean what I said. Come on, you know I didn't," I said partially desperately.

The redhead seemed to deliberate for a few moments, but he finally replied, "I know you didn't. You shouldn't say such stupid shit though, dude."

I chuckled, "Yeah, I know."

He gave me a ridiculously stupid look before laughing with me. We laughed like that for what felt like hours, laughing hysterically at nothing at all. Eventually the darkness of the outside won over the light in our dorm, and our eyes drooped under the weight of the day behind us.

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Sorry about the crappy chapter -.- I was having a bit of writer's block and just decided to have something totally lame happen. Don't hate me! Next chapter will be better, I promise. It will be a Mello birthday chapter! *plots menacingly in the corner about all the possible things he could have happen during Mello's birthday*

-Bloodmuffins


	10. Birthdays and Violations

(I do not own Death Note or the characters.)

Chapter 10

When I entered the game room, I expected to find Matt sprawled out playing some game only he would find entertaining. That is, however, not what I saw. Matt was in there, no surprise, but he wasn't playing a video game. As a matter of fact, the TV wasn't even on. The redhead was just lying in the middle of the room, staring at some piece of paper. Upon hearing me enter the room, Matt looked up at me through orange tinted goggles, and hurriedly shoved the paper into his jeans pocket.

I blinked, obviously confused.

"What was that?" I asked somewhat suspiciously.

"N-nothing," Matt replied, clearly trying to avoid something.

"Okay," I shrugged, "If you don't wanna tell me, I can't force you." My voice was slow and deliberately fake-innocent. I wanted the boy to tell me what he was hiding.

"I'm not telling," came the unphased response.

"Fine," I pouted, "we're gonna be late for class. Come on."

Later that same day, I walked into the dorm room, only to see the most disgusting sight ever.

Matt and Near were sitting on the floor, poring over books. They appeared to be working on some sort of project, though I couldn't imagine what it could be for.

I slammed the door shut behind me, glaring daggers at the albino. Matt glanced up in response, but Near simply continued skimming pages of boring print.

"Dude, it is so not what you think," Matt told me, throwing his arms up, surrendering.

"Matt has not been doing well in his Literature class, so the teacher has asked me to help him do some extra credit. I agreed," Near interjected in a monotone that made me twitch.

I rounded on Matt, putting my fist on my hip not un-flamer-like.

"Matt, is that true?" I questioned angrily.

The redhead hung his head and nodded in shame.

"Well, why the fuck does _he_ have to be the one that helps you? Couldn't I do it?" I couldn't even say Near's name out loud. It disgusted me too much.

Near answered for Matt, "The teacher specifically asked _me_ to help Matt with his extra credit. He felt that I was most suited for the job, at least that is what he told me. He said something about having the best grades in the school." The pale boy shrugged, but I could hear the satisfactory smirk in his voice.

My hand dropped from my hip but stayed clenched in a tight fist. The urge to punch the child beneath me was so fierce, I had to force myself onto my bed, facing the wall, for it to stop.

A freaking eternity later, Near left. I rolled onto my back, my right side aching from laying on it for so long.

"Matt, what the hell?" I shot at the goggled boy.

"What?" he responded.

"Why didn't you just tell me you were having trouble in Literature? I could have helped you, and you wouldn't be stuck with that rapist twit!"

"I didn't realize my grade was that low until Mr. Ostergard pulled me aside after class to tell me about doing extra credit with Near. I didn't even have an opportunity to object. Don't worry, though, today was the only day it'll be going on," the redhead grinned then, "so he won't be around during your birthday tomorrow."

I smiled, so he'd remembered. With a memory like his, you could never know.

"So, what are you gonna do for my birthday," I asked, my smile turning mischievous.

The younger boy grinned back.

"Wouldn't you like to know," was all he said before turning out the light and going to sleep.

The next morning I opened my eyes to see the snow falling outside the window. I smiled happily to myself, rolled over, and glanced at Matt's bed.

It was empty.

I blinked and checked the time. 9:32 in the morning. Where was Matt?

I flipped onto my back again, not much caring where the redhead was at the moment. It was my birthday, and there was a beautiful snowfall outside. That's all that mattered.

There was a soft knock on the door. It yanked me rudely out of my pleasant birthday thoughts. I groaned tiredly, grabbing my boxers off the floor and slipping them on, though not bothering to throw on a shirt.

I almost slammed the door shut again when I saw who was on the other side of it. It was Near, dressed in his perfectly white outfit and clutching his plush rabbit.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I managed to get out through clenched teeth.

The child started twirling some of his white hair, glancing nonchalantly into my room.

"Is Matt here?" he asked quietly.

"No," I barked, wishing he would leave. This was _not_ how I wanted to start off my birthday.

"Oh. Do you know when he will be back?" Near asked before explaining, "I wanted to check on his project, to make sure everything was in order."

"Well, aren't you a good Samaritan," I said, thick sarcasm lacing my tone. "I'm not sure where Matt is or when he'll be back. Even if I did I doubt I'd tell you, though. So how 'bout you take your albino ass and walk it that way," I gestured down the hall, "and out of my life!"

"Mello, is that any way to treat someone helping your boyfriend? I am an old friend too. I feel hurt," he paused. After a few moments of silence Near spoke again, "Besides, I thought people were supposed to be happy on their birthday. Perhaps I was wrong?" The albino's tone told me he was very certain he _wasn't_ wrong.

"Near, I'm going to be blunt with you," I began, "I don't like you. As a matter of fact, I've come to absolutely loathing you. You're making me _very_ angry, the way you _shouldn't_ on someone's birthday. I'm having a very difficult time resisting the urge to punch you right here and now. So will you please just leave? I'm asking nicely now, but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep that up."

Gray eyes grew daring.

"Just try it," Near said simply, yet still apathetically, making his statement sound strange.

My fist clenched and unclenched multiple times, hating the way he was mocking me and daring me to hit him.

A sudden rush of déjà vu came over me as I was shoved roughly to the floor. I heard the door close behind me and felt myself being flipped onto my stomach. I saw the a faded stuffed animal fall to the ground next to me. Cold hands wrapped around my wrists, pinning them to the carpet above my head. I stared, wide-eyed, at the room, but I didn't really see it.

Something colder than the hands were clasped around my wrists. I tilted my head up uncomfortably to check what it was and felt my stomach lurch at the sight. Where the hell had Near even gotten handcuffs?

I closed my eyes in horror and disbelief. I heard the other ends of the pairs of handcuffs be secured around God-knows-what. I tried to move my arms, but I couldn't.

The exact same thing happened to my ankles. I also attempted to move them, but, again, it didn't work. He'd tied me up well.

I silently cursed myself for not putting proper clothing on before answering the door.

Near walked in front of me and crouched down in his usual way, grabbing my chin in his hands and forcing me to look up at him.

"How does it feel? Too tight?" his apathetic tone made it difficult to tell if he was mocking me or actually curious.

I spat on him.

"Untie me," I demanded.

Right then I saw the first smirk ever touch the pale boy's lips.

"No," was all he said.

I wiggled again, trying desperately to free myself from this vulnerable position, but to no avail. I sighed, somehow defeated.

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked angrily, though still curiously.

Near got up and began walking about the room, looking around as if searching for something. He ran his small, devilish hands all over everything. It might have been sexy if not for the albino sexual harasser attached.

"I do not know yet," he drawled, "I have been planning this, but I still have been unable to decide what to do with you after I had you all tied up. I have thought of so many different things; teasing, harassing, mutilating, abusing, raping, but I could not decide," he smiled sadistically and half-laughed to himself, "perhaps a bit of everything?"

I honestly felt like I was going to throw up. So this is what happens when an apathetic genius loses it, I thought to myself, completely disgusted.

Near opened one of my desk drawers, flipping the objects inside around absently.

"I doubt you will have anything that could serve abusive purposes, though," he sighed, sounding upset about it.

"Don't go through our stuff, you little freak!" I yelled at him.

The albino sneered and moved on to Matt's desk, flipping through each drawer in turn. When he opened the bottom drawer, he saw something that could his creeping eye. Reaching to the back of the drawer, he murmured to himself "What do we have here?" and pulled out a razor blade. Not just any razor, though, it was _my_ razor. The one I had used to slice myself open so many times.

"This is not the sort of thing I would expect Matt to have," Near stated, seemingly amused.

"It's not his," I interjected, "I used to use that razor, but I gave it to Matt to help me stop."

Dark eyes looked my scarred body up and down.

"I can see that," an apathetic voice said.

A white hand flipped the razor open, and black holes watched it glisten in the light. Those dark orbs glanced abruptly up at the door, noticing it wasn't yet locked. This problem was quickly solved as Near hit the dead bolt, thus locking me into his torture chamber.

"Do you like pain, I wonder?" the child asked softly, and I cringed as he dug the blade into my back. I heard a small chuckle as the blade was dragged along the middle of my back. I tried to force myself away from the razor, but it was impossible in my tied-up position. "Hm, I will take that as a no," the child chuckled, cocking his head to the side.

I could feel the warm blood flow freely from the horizontal gash in the middle of my back. Just as soon as I was able to feel almost relaxed again, there was a sharp pain as the blade dug in between my shoulder blades and ran down the center of my back. I imagined the cuts looked like some sort of plus sign or cross, though I didn't really want to think about it.

Soon enough I couldn't distinguish between gashes as they criss-crossed and ran together. The liquid flowing from the wounds was warm and heating me up cruelly. My eyes watered, but I refused to succumb and cry at the hands of Near.

Awhile later the pain eased, but didn't stop. As a matter of fact, the only reason the pain even eased was because there was no longer a sharp object penetrating my skin. The wounds already there, however, ached mercilessly.

I heard a faint clatter as the blade fell to the floor.

"So, how does your back feel?" I was questioned by the sadistic boy above me.

"Just dandy," I replied through clench teeth and not even trying to conceal my thick sarcasm.

"Good," I heard the smile in his suddenly not-as-apathetic voice. "What should we do now?" he pondered.

"How 'bout we untie Mello and let him have a giant birthday cake?" I suggested, still being sarcastic, though half-hoping he would do as I said.

Of course he didn't.

"No, I think we should eat some chocolate," he decided, smirking again as he saw my eyes light up. "And of course by _we_ I mean _me_."

The pale boy walked over to my desk and grabbed the unopened chocolate bar that lay on top of it. It was a giant Hershey's bar, just straight-up milk chocolate, my favorite. He came back in front of me (I assumed it was so I could see) and slowly, deliberately opened the Heavenly bar of goodness.

Immediately the chocolate-y smell began wafting about the room. It filled my nostrils and made my mouth water longingly. I stared just as longingly at the brown rectangle, willing it to be in my mouth.

Near stared at the chocolate for a few moments, looking almost disgusted. How dare he look at my chocolate like that, I thought, biting my lip angrily. After examining it for a few moments, Near brought the chocolate bar up to his mouth and licked it.

I wanted to scream. He had defiled my most sacred of things. He had let his disgusting white hands rub all over it and allowed his tongue to touch it. That bar was for my tongue only! How dare he defile it like that!

"Something wrong, Mello?"

"Everything's just dandy." Sarcasm.

"Good."

At that, the albino bit a fair-sized chunk off of the bar and consumed it. He sucked on it for a few moments before chewing it slowly. At last he swallowed.

The bar was broken. Near had broken it. I could hardly comprehend these thoughts, they were just so incredibly wrong.

"Would you like some?" Near mocked, holding the wonderful chocolate right in front of my face, just out of reach. "Well, aren't you going to take it?" He asked again when I made no move for it, not that I could what with being all bondaged and whatnot. "Well, I suppose if you do not want it, then I cannot force you," the albino finished and bit another huge chunk off the chocolate.

For the most part Near stopped mocking me then. He just ate his, no correction, _my_ chocolate silently.

Upon finishing the chocolate, Near peeked at the clock. He muttered something unintelligible and threw away the chocolate wrapper. He produced a key from his pocket and began unlocking my left ankle. He paused however.

"You best not say anything about any of this to anyone," I was warned.

The child finished untying me and left the room.

"Mello!"

A door slammed, and someone was roughly shaking me awake. I opened my eyes lazily, not yet remembering what had happened.

"Mello, what happened?!" a worried voice was screaming hysterically. "Why's there so much blood?!"

Suddenly everything came rushing back to me, all the memories of what Near had done flooded back into my brain. I sat up abruptly from my position of laying on the floor, startling Matt and causing him to fall backwards. I looked over at him; he was crying. I'd never really seen him cry before.

"What happened?" he asked again, looking at the blood covering the carpet and me.

I took a deep breath.

"It's alright, Matt," I began, but stopped. Was it really alright? No, it wasn't. Near had come in here and violated me horribly. It wasn't okay.

Matt saw my expression change and asked, "Who did this to you?"

I was surprised Matt didn't accuse me of hurting myself, but I was glad he had the sense to see that I couldn't have cut my own back like that. It was physically impossible.

I was suddenly dizzy. The floor hit me hard. I rubbed my head pointlessly. Matt's worried hands were propping me up.

"Near," I croaked.

Fury shined in Matt's eyes like it never had before. He looked ready to murder the albino child. He knew there were other things to attend to first, though. He picked me up bridal style and carried me over to my bed, laying me down. He then grabbed some Neosporin, extra stength, and began rubbing it into my cut up back.

I felt pathetic. How could a tiny little thing like Near have done all this to me? I should have been able to overpower him. It was pitiful that I couldn't.

"I should kill him for this."

I looked up at Matt after he said this, I mean really looked at him. His green eyes were furious, glowing with a desire to kill. His hands were shaking as he tended to me. His breathing was ragged, like he was suppressing some horrible desire. I felt bad for him.

"I mean, it's your birthday, too," Matt continued.

"That doesn't change anything, Matt," I said quietly.

The redhead looked appalled.

"What do you mean, it doesn't change anything? Of course it does. Of all the days to pick to be an extra prick, he had to pick December 13th? It's unforgivable."

I shrugged uncomfortably, letting the matter drop.

Later that night, I was lying in bed watching TV. Matt had been more energetic and not so mopey when he left. He said he had to get something. He said it was for my birthday. I'd smiled at him, though I couldn't think of anything he could have gotten me. It didn't matter anyway. I didn't really like the whole gifts thing on birthdays anyway.

Matt entered the room then. He turned the light on and the TV off. He threw a package at me, which I caught. It was wrapped in bright green wrapping paper with a a red velvet bow on top.

I was about to rip the paper off when Matt said, "Wait. Open the card first." He tossed it to me, and I opened it.

Inside was beautifully drawn flowers and an incredibly cheesy poem:

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

You love chocolate,

And leather, too.

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

You are perfect,

Regardless of number 2.

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

You're name is Mello,

And I love you!

I smiled. I loved cheesy things. Not to mention, I was pretty sure the last stanza was a personalized version of something I saw on Barney once. I felt the tears coming, but restrained them.

"I love it, Matt," I said, voice uncovering the restrained tears.

The redhead laughed.

"Don't cry yet. You haven't even opened the present yet."

I ripped the green paper off the box, then opened the box itself. There was a monstrous bag of M&M's inside. And as we all know, M&M's are a form of chocolate, so I was very happy.

"Aw, thank you, Matty!"

"I'm glad you're happy, Mells, but you should really open the bag first."

The redhead's statement puzzled me, but I did as he suggested.

I opened the bag and picked up one of the M&M's. M&M's tend to have a little "M" on them, but these didn't. Instead, they had "MxM" on them. At first I was confused, but then I understood. "MxM", or MattxMello.

"Do you remember when you walked into the game room and I was reading something?" Matt asked randomly.

"Yeah, what of it?" I replied.

"Well, the M&M's company was having this thing where you could have M&M's personalized with whatever you wanted on them. It seemed perfect for your birthday."

I smiled as a lump grew in my chest. Previously restrained tears now overflowed and fell. Matt made me feel so special.

"Matt, thank you so much!"

I lunged off the bed and attacked him with a massive hug. My shirt was still off, and the gamer's touch was wonderful on my back as he embraced me back.

We ate the entire contents of the MxM's bag that night, laying on Matt's bed. We were falling asleep there, and I probably should have went back to my own bed. I was too lazy and comfortable though, being held by Matt. So I stayed there instead, and when I was just inches from dreamland, Matt asked softly, "So, how was your birthday, Mells?" He was tracing the vertical scratch on my back as if wanting me to say something bad about the day because of it.

Petty things like Near couldn't spoil my birthday, though.

"It was the best birthday ever, Matty, thank you."

At that I leaned up and kissed my boyfriend gently before nuzzling into his bare chest and drifting to sleep.

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Here's the Mello birthday chapter I promised! Sorry to make Near a really really sadistic asshole, but I just had to. Please tell me what you think!

-Bloodmuffins


	11. Meetings and Wars

**(I don't own Death Note or the characters.)**

**I apologize up front for the lameness of the detective wars and the out-of-character-ness of L. Don't hate me please!**

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Chapter 11

Language Arts. A long, never-ending hour of my life wasted on learning simple things I already knew. Some lady's voice droning on at the head of the room. Me in the back not paying attention, my leather vest sticking uncomfortably to my skin where Neosporin was tending to my injuries. It itched and I was probably being pretty disruptive in my not-so-discreet shifting about in my seat. So, when the intercom called my name, I was sure I was in trouble for disturbing the class or some other lame B.S.

I walked slowly and leisurely down the halls, in no rush to get to the office where there was sure to be an angry Mr. Wammy. Leather pants squeaked against each other the whole way attracting strange looks from random passers-by.

When I arrived and entered Mr. Wammy's office, I was shocked to see not Mr. Wammy, but L, perched in the most ridiculous fashion on the chair behind the massive mahogany desk.

"Welcome, Mello. Please, do sit down," L invited.

I did as I was told, never once allowing my cerulean gaze to leave the black-haired man. Once seated, an awkward silence overcame us. I had the feeling that he expected me to speak first, so when I didn't, it puzzled him. He cocked his head to the side, as if trying to figure out why his prediction had not come to pass. I simply glared back at the man who began nibbling on his left thumb. It looked rather odd to me, seeing a full-grown man squatting on a chair and sucking his thumb. In fact, I had just lost so much respect for the detective that I was about to leave the office right then and there and never hear what L had to say, when he spoke up.

"Cake?"

I blinked in astonishment.

"Excuse me?" I responded.

"Would you like any cake?" L asked again, slower this time as if talking to a child.

"Um, no. Er, no thanks, I mean," I replied awkwardly.

The frail man produced a rather large piece of strawberry cake and began eating, holding his fork with just his thumb and index finger, as though it was filthy.

"Perhaps you'd prefer chocolate," L stated with his mouth full and pulled a chocolate bar out of thin air, which I took.

As we ate our sweets, the awkward silence resumed, only this time it was even more awkward as we were both fairly noisy eaters. After an eternity of chewing and swallowing, L disposed of his plate and my wrapper before crouching back on the chair and studying me closely.

"You don't like me." It wasn't a question. It took me by surprise that the raven-haired man had made such a presumptuous accusation. His dark eyes stared into mine, and they looked saddened somehow. I shifted my gaze uncomfortably, itching just as uncomfortably at my sticky back.

"N-no I don't, L," I finally answered uncertainly.

"Yes you do." Again, it was a fact. He was 100 percent certain of my disliking of him. It almost made me feel sorry for the man.

"No, L, I don't not like you," I said with some hidden confidence, though internally cursing myself for my interesting grammar.

"Oh. Well, if you're sure…." He looked up at me again, catching my gaze. It felt like he was daring me to object, to say I hated him.

"Honestly, L, I don't hate you or anything. I don't know where this is coming from," I said with even more confidence than before.

L smiled.

"Okay, good. Now that we have that out of the way, we can get down to business." At that, the detective clapped his hands together and began rummaging through one of the drawers of the desk.

I remained seated, still incredibly uncomfortable and feeling more awkward than I'd ever felt in my entire life. My breathing was quiet and shallow as I tried to make it seem like I didn't exist. I currently didn't want to exist. I had never really had a conversation with the detective before, and he seemed clinically strange. All I honestly wanted to do was head back to my dorm and study.

L finally found what he was looking for, plopping a small stack of papers and files onto the desk. He promptly began staring at me again, his gaze boring right into me. I shifted in the seat, leather squeeking embarrassingly in response. Only to break the tension, I asked, "What're those?" gesturing to the papers.

"Past cases," L replied, smiling.

"Oh," I said, acting as though I understood why he would have put a stack of old cases in front of me during some meeting we were apparently having.

"You could be the next L…." the detective murmured as if speaking to himself. Regardless, his comment elated me. I was beside myself with joy. Me, the next L. I grinned despite myself, and the man in front of me returned the gesture.

"You really think so?" I asked, still smiling dumbly.

"I would not have said it if I did not think it," the raven-haired man answered simply. However, just to kill the mood, he added, "Either you or Near."

My ecstatic smile faded instantly. Of course Near was an option as well. I shouldn't have allowed myself to forget that he was first and I was second. Always, always second. I shouldn't even let myself get excited, since Near will be chosen to be the next L anyway. Why go through that kind of disappoint?

L must have seen the unhappiness on my face, for he smiled quite sympathetically, biting his thumb again, taking me in.

Already angry by the detective's thoughtless comment, I rudely blurted out, "Can you stop staring at me like that?"

"Does it bother you?" L asked sickeningly calmly.

"Yeah, actually it does," I snapped back.

"I do apologize then," the man said, lowering his thumb from his mouth and switching his gaze to the files in front of him. "Well, let's continue on then. You must be wondering why I called you here." It wasn't a question.

"Um, yeah, I am."

"I wished to share some of my old cases with you, sort of like story-time," L stated happily, his eyes lighting up at the word 'story-time'.

I felt decently sick to my stomach. I was hoping for…well, I didn't know what exactly I was hoping for, but it certainly wasn't some sort of children's game with the man.

"Story-time?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes. Well, not exactly. I just wanted to tell you about some of my better and more exciting cases. Isn't that okay?" He seemed saddened by my non-excitement.

"Well, yeah. Uh, of course that's okay," I said, trying to sound more thrilled than I was.

L smiled. "Good. So, I'm going to tell you three stories. Which would you like to hear first? I can tell you about the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. That's really the only 'case' I have to share. The other two stories are detective wars of how I claimed Eraldo Coil and Denuve's titles as well. So, which first?"

I looked at the man before me, shocked. How was I supposed to know which I wanted to hear first? I wasn't even sure I wanted to hear any. Still, if I had to pick, I might as well get the boring stories out of the way and save the most interesting for last. Not to mention, it sounded like these detective war stories weren't going to take long to tell. This BB Murder Case story on the other hand sounded long and interesting.

"Uh, one of the detective war stories. I don't care which," I said, sounding mildly intersted.

"Alright then. I'll tell you about how I got the title of Denuve first, since that's the third best detective in the world. Then I can go on to Eraldo Coil, the second best. Is that okay?" L asked politely.

"Yeah, that's fine," I answered with an equally polite smile.

"Good. Okay, so how I got the title of Denuve: Before I beat the man called Denuve, he was a high-ranking detective. He wasn't quite third yet, but he was well on his way. You see, Mello, I feared that he may surpass me if I allowed the situation to continue, so I waged a detective war on him. A detective war, as you may or may not know, is a race between two or more detectives to see who can solve a case first. The prize of the race can be any number of things, but most commonly the winner takes possession of the loser's detective title. As I'm sure you've already figured out, these were the stakes of my war with Denuve."

L paused, licking his lips and looking at me as if wondering if he should continue. To be honest, the story did sound decently interesting, so I urged him on. The man smiled in return, before continuing:

"Denuve and I were racing against each other in a bank robbery incident that was sweeping across the United States at the time. Multiple banks had been stolen from, and it seemed it would only be a matter of time before every major bank in the country had its vaults emptied by the culprit. So, obviously, it was a serious case, and first Denuve was called in. When I heard about it, I immediately arranged a meeting with the president and convinced him to let me assist Denuve. Of course, that was just a cover story. In reality Denuve and I were aggressively working against each other, trying desperately to win the other's title.

"It was a long and difficult case, taking me nearly a year to solve. Eventually I did solve it though, and Denuve lost our little war. The poor guy was devasted; he'd been certain he would beat me."

L paused here, remembering some long over battle with some long forgotten guy.

"And who did it?" I interrupted his thoughts.

"Who did what?" L asked, distracted and unsure what I was talking about.

"Who was stealing from all those banks?"

"It was just some government type. That's not really the important part of the story, Mello. The whole point in explaining this is so that you know what detective wars are and the most common way of fighting them. And actually, that brings us up to our next story, the detective war I had with the original Eraldo Coil."

Yet again, L paused. I was beginning to wonder whether he had a mental condition invovling a short attention-span.

Again, I urged the detective on, "What happened in that detective war, L?"

"It was quite different, Mello. You see, I was called to do a case right here in England, to my enjoyment, for that ment I could work from Wammy's. My joy quickly turned to worry and despair, however, when a man named Eraldo Coil challenged me to see who could solve the case first.

"He was a very strange man. When he first challenged me, he didn't even tell me what he wanted to bet on the battle. He just called me saying how he wanted to challenge me with the case and I didn't hear from him for another month. I had no idea what I might be gaining or losing or how far he'd come with his investigation. Eventually he called back saying how he wanted to bet money on the detective war. He said he needed some money to help him fund an investigation and that this would be the perfect way for him to get it. Well, I agreed, though I didn't really want the guy's money.

"Awhile later he called back and said he wanted territory. You see, in a detective war, you can wage territory, meaning where you can and cannot accept cases. He wanted to be the only one that could take on cases in England. So, if he won I would never be able to work on a case in all of England ever again. If I won, he'd never be able to investigate on a case in England again. I agreed to these terms as well, not too concerned about losing anything as I was almost finished with my investiation."

"What was this case about, L?" I interrupted.

"Mello, as I already explained, the cases themselves are not important right now. I'm trying to teach you how to fight a detective war. You need some background knowledge if you're ever going to succeed me. Now, will you allow me to continue?" L asked, raising a brow.

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"Alright. Now then, where was I? Oh yeah, Eraldo Coil's wish for England. Well, it was barely two weeks after Coil asked for territorial rights to England when he called back wishing to bet our detective titles instead. Little did he know that I had just solved the case, though it was not public yet. Again, I agreed, knowing that he had already lost his title."

"Isn't that playing dirty though?" I interrupted again.

"All is fair in love and war, Mello, as I'm sure you know."

"Yeah, I guess. It just seems kind of rude to do to someone. I mean, technically you'd already won territorial claims on England, correct? Withholding information just to get his title instead seems pretty shady to me."

"You are a very kind boy, Mello. You must understand, though, that sometimes shadiness here and there in a detective war is necessary. The world has been better off with me in the real Coil's place. It was all for the sake of justice. Surely you understand, don't you?" L questioned.

I was just shocked at being called kind. It took me at least a minute to get over that disturbingly wrong comment. Finally my mind was able to absorb everything else L had said. He sounded rather arrogant when he said it all, and that saddened me. I'd always looked up to L, and here he was acting all high and mighty.

Realizing I hadn't answered L's question, I quickly said, "I get it."

L beamed at me from across the desk. "Would you like to hear about the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases now?" he asked with a mischeivous glint in his eye.

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Well, here's chapter 11. Finally. Sorry to keep you all waiting for so long. Chapter 12 should be up pretty quickly too, since it'll be L explaining the BB Murder Cases which should be pretty easy to write. I'm sorry this chapter is pretty lame and boring, but I wanted to include L telling Mello the three stories mentioned in Death Note: Another Note. Thanks for still reading my story all this time, and I hope you continue to enjoy it somewhat. -Bloodmuffins


	12. L's and B's

**(I do not own Death Note, the characters, or Death Note: Another Note.)**

**Thanks so much you guys for all the great reviews after last chapter! They absolutely made my day! I apologize in advance for another decently boring chapter and for the shortness of it. Don't hurt me! I hope you all continue to enjoy the story xD**

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Chapter 12

"_Would you like to hear about the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases now?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eye._

"Yeah," I replied pretty excitedly.

L smiled back at me. "Good," he said, pulling a cup of coffee out of nowhere. I looked at the beverage in bewilderment, wondering to myself where on Earth the drink had come from. As if pulling coffee out of thin air wasn't strange enough, L then produced a jar of sugar cubes, which he promptly began dropping into his drink. Wondering when he'd stop, I started counting how many cubes he'd put into the beverage. When L finally put the jar back in the mahogany desk, there was 23 sugar cubes in his coffee. I stifled an intense gag as he sipped the drink happily.

"So," L began, "the BB Murder Cases is my most famous case, well besides the Kira Investigation. It was one of the few times I entrusted the field work to another individual. Her name was Naomi Misora, and she had been on a leave of absence from the FBI when I asked her to help me. Normally I would not have gotten involved in such a small serial killing case, but I felt personally responsible." L sipped his coffee calmly.

"Why did you feel responsible, L? It can't have been your fault that some guy decided to start killing people," I asked, confused.

"Actually it can be," L contradicted, "You see, back when Wammy's was first founded, there were just a few other kids here. One was A and the other was B. Not that it's relevant, but A killed himself under the pressure of trying to be like me. You see, Wammy's was founded to try to replicate me, so that when I died there would be able to be another L. So, A committed suicide. B was a bit different. Rather than killing himself, he went mad and began killing other people. He went to Los Angeles and began the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases.

"So, Naomi Misora investigated for me, relaying information to me while I continued my own sort of investigation. She checked out each of the first three victim's homes in turn, finding the secret messages placed by the murderer; BB. Mello, he wanted the police to have a chance to stop him. It was all a game to him. By leaving puzzles leading to the next victim's house, he was mocking the police when they couldn't solve them. I'm sure he found this extremely amusing." Again, L sipped his over-sugared coffee while I absorbed what he'd said.

"That's sick," I said quietly, mostly to myself.

L nodded gravely and continued his story, "I don't want you to think the police department was made up of idiots, though. The puzzles BB left were incredibly difficult to solve, even for me. I'm sure that's why he began assisting Misora under the pretense of being a private detective. The entire series of killings was just a way of challenging me personally. BB was angry for many reasons and this was his way of trying to draw me out. When he saw that Misora was working for me, he couldn't help but to test her abilities. He saw them as formidable and continued his little game." L paused and sipped his coffee. "Any questions?"

It took me a few minutes to answer. It was hard to know what I should ask, I had so many questions swimming around in my mind. I finally decided on asking why BB had decided to help Naomi Misora with her investigation. This was one thing that didn't make any sense to me.

"Mello, BB was trying to draw me out and mock me. That's what he was doing with the police when he left difficult maps to the next victim that he knew they wouldn't be able to solve. BB thought that even if he helped Misora to solve the case that he would be able to succeed in his plot, thus mocking me further. If he'd helped her and still beaten her, then that would have made her, and thus me, look pretty stupid," L explained.

"Oh, I get it now. Thanks," I said, feeling pretty stupid myself.

"However, BB did not succeed. Naomi Misora was able to figure it all out by herself in the end. You see, BB had set everything up so that he himself would be the last victim. By being the murderer and a victim, the case would have been unsolvable, which was his goal: to create an unsolvable case for me. He failed," L stated and finished off his coffee. Then he added in a sickeningly casual tone, "Actually B recently died in prison via Kira."

"That sounds like a….really messed up case, L," I finally managed to say.

L nodded, "It was, and I apologize that I cannot get into further details about the victims themselves and everything, but I can't keep you much longer. It's getting late. If you want you can borrow these notes, though, and read up on it." The detective gestured to the papers and files still stacked in front of him.

I couldn't deny that I was intrigued by this case, so I grabbed the file. Neither of us said anything for quite a while, causing yet another awkward silence to befall us. I thought slightly annoyedly about how I hadn't had chocolate in probably an hour.

Finally L broke the silence, "Would you like to know something about the BB Murder Cases, Mello?"

"Uh, sure," I replied, a bit unsure by this new excited tone the detective was speaking in.

"I gave the killings its name," L stated rather happily.

"That's great," I said, now almost frightened by L's joy at this little detail.

L rolled his eyes at my response. "Don't you see? It used to be referred to by a number of different things such as Wara Ningyo Murders or L.A. Serial Locked Room Killings. I, however, thought of a much more fitting name. Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. L.A.B.B. L is After Beyond Birthday." L grinned ecstatically and added, "See?"

I blinked in puzzled surprise. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, again worried about L's mental well-being.

"Oh! Look at the time!" L exclaimed suddenly.

I started, turning around to look at the clock on the wall behind me. It was almost 3:30 in the afternoon. School was out, and we'd be been talking for nearly two hours.

Great, I thought to myself, make-up work to do and no hanging out with Matt. At that I got up muttering, "I gotta get back to my room."

Once in the hallway, I leaning against the wall, sliding down to sit. I still had the BB Murder Cases file in my hand. I flipped it open and almost threw up. Right inside was a gag-worthy picture of a man on an autopsy table with all sorts of cuts on his chest. I rubbed my eye for no real reason and flipped the page of the file. An even more disturbing image was waiting to greet me. It was a foot in a bathtub. No body in the picture, just the foot, severed and disgusting.

I shut the file violently and sprinted the way back to my room. Once there, I shoved the creepy file into my desk drawer, where I hoped I might never have to look at it again.

Matt was out somewhere, probably the game room. I wasn't really in the mood to go looking for him. I had homework to do and was still fairly disturbed by all L's, erm, interesting stories.

I groaned, wondering how I'd even get my homework when I saw some papers on my bed. A note was on top of them, saying, "Mello- Here's your homework that you like epically missed, lucky bastard. Anyway, I know you'd want to get it done for tomorrow, so I brought it back for you. What'd you get called down for anyway? Love, Matt."

I smiled to myself. Good old thoughtful Matt. Looking through the pile, I saw that there really wasn't much I had to do, just some Language homework and studying for tomorrow's Math test. Easy stuff, no big deal. I finished within the hour.

Matt barged in not too long after I finished my homework. I was nearly asleep, however, and his loudness startled me. I stared at him for quite awhile, giving him an 'are you on crack' look. The redhead grinned suddenly saying happily, "Ready for tomorrow?"

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Again, sorry for the short lame chapter, but I had to continue from where I left off from. Omg, Death Note: Another Note was my friend today. It helped a lot. I wonder what Matt means when he asks "Ready for tomorrow?" Well, of course I know. I just hope I can write it right. I'll give you guys a hint: funnel cakes. Got any ideas about what they're doing? Please review! They really help me continue writing and I love hearing what you guys think. -Bloodmuffins


	13. Field Trips and Amusement Parks

**(I do not own Death Note or the characters.)**

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Chapter 13

"MELLO! WAKE UP!"

I flinched as I awoke, my ears ringing from being screamed into. I rolled over and saw Matt standing over me, already dressed and overly excited.

"Finally," Matt said a playfully exasperated tone. "I've been trying to wake you up for the past," he glanced at the clock, "twenty-three minutes. Now get up and get dressed." When I didn't move the redhead waved his arms at me in a shoo-ing motion and added, "Hurry up!"

I groaned and reluctantly pulled myself out of bed. I just grabbed whatever was on the floor and ended up wearing my only pair of non-leather pants and a plain black tee-shirt. I stumbled over to the mirror and began combing through my long blonde hair.

"Please contain your excitement, Mello," Matt randomly said sarcastically.

I sighed, saying, "Sorry, Matt. I just don't get what the big deal is. Seriously, it's just an amusement park. No big deal."

My friend gaped at me. His green eyes were wide and nearly popping out from behind his goggles. He stuffed his gameboy in his pocket and said in an astonished voice, "No big deal? This is _the_ trip. The 8th grade trip to the amusement park, and you're telling me you're not excited?" I could tell he was absolutely incredulous.

I shrugged. "I guess I'm sorta excited, yeah. But I'm not like bouncing off the walls, counting down the seconds till we leave."

"Yeah, I can see that," the redhead muttered under his breath.

I rolled my eyes and continued getting ready for the day.

Matt and I were forced apart on the bus to the amusement park. I was sitting with a girl I used to be friends with, and Matt was sitting with Linda. The girl I was with, Katie, stayed quiet and just listened to her iPod the entire time. Talk about boring. Though I had the window seat, I could still see Matt and Linda in the seat across the aisle, and she was all over him.

From the sounds of things, they were playing truth or dare. To be honest, I wasn't really paying attention to what they were asking each other because, to be honest, I really didn't care. What bugged me, though, was the way Linda was all over my Matt. She was practically sitting on top of him and she was chewing her gum all flirtatiously. She kept leaning over which probably gave Matt a great view of her breasts. I hadn't realized how much of a slut Linda had turned into until that bus ride.

Thankfully, however, Matt remained oblivious. He never looked down her shirt, even when she seemed to be begging him to. I even saw him inching away from her when she got too close. The sight made me smile. He was such a good, faithful boyfriend. Regardless, Linda's behavior still pissed me off. It's not like she didn't know Matt was taken. Her actions were inexcusable. I really just wanted to chew her out good and proper.

Finally we made it to the amusement park and Matt and I were able to join up again, leaving Linda a thing of the past.

We waited in line to enter the park for a good twenty minutes. We kept fooling around and being obnoxious, not to mention all over each other, thus gaining us some interesting looks from the people around us. We didn't mind though, and we actually found it pretty amusing.

Naturally, my studded belt set off the metal detector. I therefore had to take it off, walk through, and put it back on. Even this made people look at me funny, so I quickly decided that people in amusement parks are just weird.

First, we went on a spinny ride that literally went up and down and all around. We sat in the yellow section. Matt mocked me for wanting to ride it, but we ended up having fun on it. We kept trying to grab the leaves off the trees. Or, rather, I kept trying to and Matt kept telling me to stop.

After that we went on a roller coaster. The cars were designed so that one person sat in back and the other sat between their legs in front. Needless to say, Matt was in back and I was in front.

Rather than going up on a slant with a chain, it spiralled upward. The first drop wasn't actually a drop, but a mild slope that led into a quick turn. We soon learned that this was the roller coaster's specialty as we were whipped violently around, over water and near trees.

The redhead and I then went on a ferris wheel-type ride. There was twist, though. Instead of bringing you around in nice calming circles, this ride flipped you upside down. It was like a never-ending loop. To make it worse, there were no restraints of any kind; no seatbelts, lap bars, anything. You just had to sit in an enclosed cage and let gravity keep you in. Talk about discomforting.

We walked up and saw an interesting-looking wooden roller coaster. It wasn't even painted or anything. Obviously we rode it. It was pretty rickety, and I felt rather unsafe on it. The turns made you feel like the train was going to fly off the track and the drops made you feel like you were going to fly out of your seat.

At the bottom of one of the drops was a camera. It was probably there to capture terrified faces so you could laugh at yourself later. Matt and I saw it, however, and decided to flick it off. After the ride when we saw the picture, we couldn't help but laugh. Our hair was all wind-blown and our cheeks were rosy, but there we were, giving the innocent camera the finger and smiling like idiots.

After checking the time, Matt and I decided it was a good time to eat some lunch. We walked over to a food court, set on getting foot-long hot dogs. That didn't happen, though, since all the hot dogs there had all sorts of weird things on them. Not wanting to hassle the people or wait longer or anything, we went to the shop next door and got bacon cheeseburgers instead. When we bit into them we knew we'd made the right decisions. They tasted so good, and the fries were pretty amazing too.

When we finished our lunch, I decided I wanted Dip 'N Dots. Matt had never had Dip 'N Dots before, but decided to try it anyway. It was delicious, though somewhat painful. For some reason, Dip 'N Dots ice cream sticks to your mouth and kind of burns it in a way. Still, it tasted good, so it was okay.

With all that said and done, the gamer and I strolled over to the largest roller coaster in the park. Its first drop was very tall, and its smallest camel hump was the size of the main drop on the wooden roller coaster. It seemed pretty frightening, but it couldn't be that bad if so many people liked it.

The line was ridiculously long. It weaved throughout one whole house thing and then continued onward, up some stairs, and into the main house where we'd get on the train. We were in line for a good hour, but it wasn't really that boring. We talked and acted like idiots, disrupting those around us.

Just as we left the house part of the line, I bought a blue icee. It was incredibly refreshing on such a boiling hot day, and it tasted amazing too. Too bad I didn't get to finish it. We got into the final part of the line much quicker than I had anticipated, and I sadly had to throw away my refreshment. What a waste of three dollars.

Matt and I sat toward the back of the train simply because it had been the shortest line, and after having waited so long already, we just wanted to get on the damn thing. Just after we had our restraints checked, the train lurched out of the station quite unexpectedly.

The climb up that first drop was murder. My breathing got ragged and I started screaming, "Fuck! I can't believe I'm doing this! It's too high! I'm fucking scared, oh my God! Why am I fucking doing this?! I don't wanna, I don't wanna!" I was pretty much in a state of panic.

Matt on the otherhand was surprisingly calm. He'd told me that today was the first time he'd ever been to an amusement park, so he'd never ridden a roller coaster before either. So, while I was freaking out, the redhead was looking down at the park below him, silent and calm as ever.

Suddenly, as the train reached the top and was about to go down, I realized I was being immensely stupid. I'd been to amusement parks before and I loved roller coasters. I'd ridden much scarier ones than this and hadn' been afraid, so it made no sense for me to be freaking out now. So I stopped screaming and threw my arms in the air as the train raced down the drop.

The rest of the ride was a breeze. I was laughing and yelling happily the whole time, leaving my arms up the whole time. We didn't flick the camera off this time, but only because we didn't see it in advance like we had before.

Exhilerated and ready for anything, Matt and I went to ride a roller coaster that went upside down four times after that. It was big and black, and the guy operating it laughed like a super creep before sending each train off. He sort of reminded me of the Joker.

The ride itself was pretty bumpy. My head got bashed around a bit, but otherwise it was a decent ride. Matt, however, was not so optimistic. He complained about his head getting bumped around quite a bit.

After that, we went and rode another wooden roller coaster that consisted of a main drop, multiple camel humps, a spiral, and more camel humps. It was pretty short and rickety, but well worth the wait nonetheless.

That's when the thirst set in. the redhead and I were suddenly incredibly thirsty. We knew we could get glasses of water for free, so we went up to a funnel cake shop to get some. We waited in a long line of funnel cake buyers, only to find out that the pop machine had mixed itself up and made the water taste like beer. We were then not only discouraged, but also quite a bit more thirsty.

Down a little ways, however, was our savior. Actually, it was a bar with a nice man running it that gave us glasses of water. It had to be the best glass of water I ever had in my entire life. I'd been so thirsty I thought I might collapse, but with that one little glass, I was completely refreshed and strengthened.

Though the water was great, Matt and I were still warm and in need of a way to cool down. Across the road was a water ride. It resembled a roller coaster, but it was a water ride. You got into logs and it brought you up high via lifts and turns.

The drop was actually fairly tall and we weren't seatbelted in or anything, so at the top I had another little freak out. It wasn't as bad as my other one, but I was still screaming like a maniac all the way down. At the bottom I calmed down and was able to laugh it off.

After that was the last ride of the day. It was another roller coaster that went upside down. We were only in line for probably about ten minutes, so we got on quickly.

The ride was very fast. It went up, then down it's first drop. It then proceeded to go around a loop, a corkscrew, and another loop. Then it did some turns, a few mor corkscrews, another turn, and it ended. It was so fast, I didn't even know what was happening. Oh, and did I mention your feet dangled during the whole ride?

I had promised Matt that we'd go to the arcade, so that's what we did. He was enveloped by the claw machines, assuring me of his skills. He said he'd win me something, so we went over to the claw machine that had poorly-made stuffed bears in it. I requested a hot pink one, only because it looked easiest to get. On the first try, Matt won it for me. I was amazed and happy.

We then tried to win electronics on the claw machines: Nintendo DS's, iPods, etc. After Matt lost again, I realized that it must almost be time to leave. I checked the time on my cell phone, and sure enough, we had five minutes to get back to the font of the park to meet up with the class.

Since we were on the complete opposite end of the park from the front, we had to run the whole way. We just barely made it in time, and we were out of breath by the time we made it. After quick bathroom stops, we all piled back into the buses and headed back to Wammy's.

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This chapter was actually based on a trip I really went on with my 8th grade class. Actually, every detail of this chapter is from that trip. I had lots of fun, so I'm sure Matt and Mello did too. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up soon. I know everything that's going to be happening from now till the end, so it really shouldn't take me long to finish it. There's gonna be 2 more chapters, unless I suddenly decide to add something in, but I doubt it. I wanna thank all of you that have been following this story since the beginning and all those that have recently joined in. It really means a lot. But enough of that, I can do all the formalities after the last chapter. -Bloodmuffins


	14. Sad News and Elegant Farewells

**(I do not own Death Note.)**

**Please read the note at the end of the chapter! It's important!!  
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Chapter 14

After being outside for awhile enjoying the bright sunny day, I was on my way back to my dorm room when Roger came out of nowhere and stopped me in the hallway.

"Mello," he said in a flat voice.

"Huh?" was my response as the elderly man grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me in the opposite direction down the hall.

"And Near, come to my room," Roger added to the albino child who sat playing with a puzzle on the floor.

"Yes," Near replied in a monotonic voice, scooping up his puzzle and bringing it with him down the corridor to Roger's office. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't annoyed that Near got to walk by himself and even bring a toy while I had to be dragged there by the wrist. Did Roger think I wouldn't come with him of my own accord? How rude of him.

Once in Roger's spacious office, the old man sat down behind his large wooden desk, which had a laptop open on top of it. The lamp on the corner of the desk was turned on, providing us with not needed light. Roger looked very official sitting behind his desk with the large bookshelf behind it, looking gravely downward and not wanting to look at Near and me.

"What is it, Roger?" I asked, prompting him to continue, and also wanting to leave the office and get to my dorm room to study.

Roger folded his hands under his chin. He still refused to look at the two of us, and actually closed his eyes before saying in a quiet, depressed voice, "L is dead."

My whole world was turned upside down. Had I heard wrong? L….dead? It couldn't be. L didn't die, it just didn't happen. He was the idol of 99% of all the students at Wammy's, and he was a symbol of hope and justice for the world. How could he die? Who would defeat Kira? Who would bring peace and order to the world, if not L? If L could be defeated, how were we ever going to win? My head kept spinning. I felt dizzy. I'd dreamt for so long of taking L's place, but I thought it would be a long time from now, and I never really realized that in order to take L's place he would have to die. My stomach kept doing flips at the thought. Below me, Near simply continued playing with his puzzle.

Sickened not only by the news, but also by Near's ridiculous reaction to it, I lunged forward, slamming my hands angrily on Roger's desk.

"Dead?! W-why?!" I questioned the man, anger pulsing through me and my head still spinning.

Roger didn't say anything, he just kept sitting there, hands folded under his chin.

Near completed his puzzle with a final clack as he put the last piece in place. I glanced down at him for a split second, fury blazing in my cerulean eyes.

"Y…You mean he was killed by Kira? Is that it….?" I asked, still mad with anger, and I leaned in closer so I was mere inches away from Roger's face.

"Most likely," the elderly man replied quietly.

Grabbing Roger's coat front in my fist and shaking his shoulder, I yelled, "He promised he would see Kira dead!!! L was killed…? Are you sure?!!"

A beat of sweat trickled down the side of Roger's head. "Mello…" he began only to be cut off by Near.

"If you can't beat the game, if you can't solve the puzzle, you're nothing but a loser," Near said in an apathetic tone that had just a hint of arrogance in it, and he dumped his puzzle back out on the floor, only to begin to do it yet again.

I stared at him, eyes wide, for a few moments before turning my gaze back to Roger. I clamped my hands back on the desk, forcing myself to remain at least somewhat calm.

"So then which of us did L…." my voice trailed off as I spoke the ultimate question. I stared at Roger, eyes still wide, and Near continued to play with his puzzle, but I could feel that we were both anticipating the answer of the man sitting across from me.

Roger looked me in the eye, saying, "Neither of you, yet…He can't choose, now that he's dead."

I stared at Roger in shock. How could L not have chosen? It was a simple matter really, it should only have taken the great detective a few moments out of his busy life to decide, yet he hadn't. Why not? And what would happen now?

Roger, clearly not wanting to see an argument or worse, a fight, said in a compromising tone, "Mello, Near…How about you two work together…?"

"Sounds good," Near said from his spot on the floor.

I bit my lip in utter distate, glancing at Near in absolute disgust. It was my signature look of disapproval and disgust, and it clearly showed how against that little plan I was.

"That's impossible, Roger," I said surprisingly calmly, but still with a hidden fury that could have destroyed anything, "You know Near and I don't get along. We're always competing." Realizing the situation, and feeling so incredibly helpless, I said, "It's fine, Roger…Near can become L's successor. Unlike me, Near will calmly and unemotionally solve the puzzle. I'm going now…I'm leaving the orphanage too, after tonight's dance."

"Mello," Roger said, a clear attempt to change my mind.

"I'm almost 15 anyway, Roger," I cut him off, "I'll live life my own way."

After that I walked ever-so-slowly back to my dorm. I had to think a lot of things through. What should I bring with me? Clothes, that was a given. And chocolate of course. A hairbrush, a toothbrush…. I randomly got the feeling I was having a sleepover with a friend I hadn't seen in years, but that was, of course, impossible since my only friend was Matt and because that was just not the case. I was leaving my home of most of my life and venturing out into the unknown.

Matt….what to tell him? He'd come with me if I asked him to, I know he would. But was this a journey I had to the right to force upon him? A journey out into the real world where anything could and probably would happen? Could I really ask my best friend to sacrifice a nice, comfortable life here at the orphanage just so I wouldn't be alone? The small coward in me said yes, but I said no. I knew I couldn't expect Matt to do all that for me, even if I did love him, even if he loved me. It was just too much to ask of the redhead, so after tonight, it would be good-bye.

The dorm room Matt and I had shared for so long was empty, to my happy surprise. This way I could pack now and leave right after the dance tonight. I tugged my suitcase out of my dresser drawer, opened it, and placed it on my bed. I looked around at the room. I laughed a single hollow chuckle. It was so obvious that Matt and I lived there; video games were strewn across the floor and chocolate wrappers filled the garbage basket to the brim. In Matt's laundry pile, stripes dominated all, and in mine, leather glimmered in the afternoon sunlight. Who else would live like that, if not us?

I shook my head, trying to clear it of all these depressing thoughts. I was leaving after all, and lingering here on broken memories wouldn't change anything.

I turned back to my dresser, grabbing out my clothes, first all my pairs of leather pants, then my favorite leather vest, and finally my other black shirts. I tossed in my pajamas, my hairbrush and toothbrush, along with toothpaste, shampoo, and conditioner. A thought suddenly crossed my mind, _Will I even have the opportunity to stay clean? I can't afford a hotel, so where am I going? If there isn't a shower, then bringing all this is pointless…_ But I still brought it, trying to convince myself that if I brought clean things, then I'd stay clean, but all the while knowing this wasn't the case and I might end up living just on the streets for a long time.

After placing just those things in the suitcase, I was pretty much finished packing. I wouldn't add my chocolate bars to the lot until it was actually time to leave because I didn't want them to melt. So, I shoved the bag under my bed, keeping it hidden from Matt's observant gaze.

I lay on my bed and sighed. I rolled over and looked back at my dresser. There was still one thing I hadn't packed yet; the outfit I was to wear to the formal dance that night. Every year for the 8th graders (or what would be 8th graders in a normal school system) the orphanage held a formal dance. Everyone went out and bought nice suits and dresses and showed up looking all pretty. Then they danced and ate and enjoyed themselves for a few hours as they talked about their life plans. You see, once you turn 15 years old, you pretty much have to leave Wammy's House, though there are some exceptions. By the time people are in a normal school system's 8th grade, they are almost 15, so that's why the dance is commonly referred to as the 8th grade dance. It's a sort of graduation dance, from Wammy's to the real world, just like 8th grade graduates to high school. Anyway, it's just a traditional thing, so even if it doesn't make much sense, that's okay.

So tonight, Matt and I would be attending the dance together. We've had a plan for most of the year about what we were going to wear to it. Since it's formal, obviously nice clothes are mandatory, but we thought it would be pretty funny to crossdress. Well, actually, that's not exactly what happened. Matt said he'd take me out for ice cream after the dance and give me a big kiss if I wore a dress to the dance, to be his date. Originally I didn't want to do it, but after thinking it over, what the hell? Especially since I'll be leaving and won't see any of these losers ever again, I might as well have fun and mess with the system on my last night here.

Feeling all motivated, I got off my bed and picked my dress up off my dresser. It was pink, a fairly dark shade of pink, like hot pink or something, but pink nonetheless. It was a halter, and it when down just past my knees. I had matching high-heels to wear with it, and a silver handbag, courtesy of Matt's fantesy. I couldn't believe I was really going to wear this thing out in public. Walking over to the mirror, I held it up in front of me. Not trying to sound all flaming-homo, but it went with my skin and hair very well.

I shook my head violently and turned from the mirror. _I can't believe I just thought that_, I thought to myself. I looked at the clock, suddenly wanting to put the dance off just so I wouldn't have to wear the stupid halter dress, but it was already 5:30 pm, which meant the dance started in a half hour and I had to get ready.

I stripped quickly, standing in the room naked while contemplating one last time if I should really wear the dress. Just then, the door to the room opened, a readhead with goggles over his eyes entering. My eyes turned wide as a blush turned my face beat red. Matt stared, wide-eyed, clearly in shock.

"Close the door!" I shrieked, lunging over and slamming the door shut.

My heart was pounding and my breathing was heavy and uneven. I looked down at my exposed flesh, my blush turning an even deeper shade of red.

"I-I-I'm sorry! Mello, um, I had no idea. I, um, I…." Matt stuttered, trying to find a reasonable explanation for walking in on me changing.

I put my face in my hands, not even bothering to try and cover up a certain lower area that was now on display. Matt took a couple steps forward, a shaking hand extended. His touch was soft as he put his hands around me, pulling me into a hug. It was his turn to smirk as he said, "No need to be embarrassed, Mells." I groaned in response, hugging him back.

Matt pulled me closer, our bodies only separated by his clothes. I rested my head on the redhead's shoulder, feeling content there in his arms. I wanted to stay like that forever, but it could not be so. Not only was the dance approaching, but I was leaving him for good after that. The thought tore at my heartstrings, a painful pang in the chest. But it was necessary. I couldn't ask Matt to come with me.

Matt's body shifted, causing an up-and-down motion that rubbed against me. My blush returned as I felt something happen. _Oh God, could this day get any worse? _I thought in horror. Matt chuckled, saying, "Hey, Mells, you're stabbing me."

"Shut up," I said, burying my face in his shoulder. I shuddered; feeling this uke was not normal for me.

I released Matt from the hug and picked the dress back up. He watched me examine it, a smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and slipped it over me head, putting it on expertly.

"Wow, nice job, Mells. Do you have experience wearing girls' clothes?" Matt said teasingly. I ignored him and slipped on my high-heels, testing them by walking around the room, making sure not to trip and fall. Last, I grabbed my handbag, checking myself in the mirror, and looking back at Matt who had already changed into a very handsome suit. "Shall we?" Matt said, offering me his arm. I rolled my eyes again and grabbed on, letting him lead me out of the dorm room and towards the dance.

At the dance Matt and I mostly hung out with Linda. Everyone got a real kick out of me wearing a dress, and I remained a good sport about it as well. I mean, it really wasn't that big a deal in the long run. And Matt looked amazing in his suit thing. He wore plain black pants, nice shoes, and a nice white shirt underneat a killer black vest that, of course, had little stripes on it. His goggles remained on his head the whole time, and his gameboy, I saw, was in his pocket in case of emergency.

Linda looked pretty stunning herself, actually. Her brown hair was pulled up into fancy pig tails, each looking rather elegant on top of her smiling, shimmering face. She was wearing eye make-up, which emphasized her big brown eyes. She wore a long bright purple dress with spaghetti straps and little frills randomly towards the bottom. She wore silver high heels that added to the effect, and her little silver handbag, which was quite a bit like mine, completed the outfit. All in all, I had no idea Linda could looks so beautiful.

Mostly the music consisted of rap crap and hip hop nonsense, both of which nearly gave me headaches. At least it was bouncy enough to properly dance to. That was a plus, I suppose. Other than that, there was some techno played, much to mine and Matt's enjoyment. I think the redhead was sort of pretending that we were at a rave of some sort. Either way, it was really bouncing around and jumping all over the place to the beat of the music.

After being at the dance for about an hour, the food was served. Because the dance was oriental themed, the food was bought from a local Chinese restaraunt. I piled up on egg rolls and crab rangune, of course not neglecting the fried rice, or even the pizza they had for people that don't like Chinese food. Since a lot of people hadn't liked their crab rangune, I ended up with a lot of it, which was perfectly fine with me, since I think it's great.

The dance continued in the same fashion for another couple hours, Matt and I dancing, and other people dancing with us. We had fortune cookies for a dessert, which didn't really appeal to me since I don't like fortune cookies much. I was happy to get the fortune, though. It had said something about being with the one I love. _Ha, not after tonight I won't be,_ I thought grimly in response to the fortune.

Towards the end of the dance, they started playing slower songs, some about graduating and moving on, others about leaving people behind. Both these topics had me getting rather emotional and upset, so at two different points I found myself crying into Matt's shoulder. Like the good person he is, Matt didn't question it, he just held me and let me stain his clothes with my tears. I was crying because I knew that in just a short time I'd be leaving Matt, quite possibly for good. This thought saddened me more than I thought it would, more than I believed anything ever could. It ate away at my heart and caused tears reflecting my pain to pour out of my eyes.

At the end of the dance Matt took me out to the nearby McDonald's for ice cream, just like he said he would. Be both had oreo McFlurries, which were very yummy. By this time I wasn't quite as upset about everything, and we enjoyed an hour of talking and goofing off.

At one point, a Hispanic lady that worked there was cleaning out the soda dispensers and she was staring at us because we'd made a comment about having sex, just as an inside joke, but she clearly didn't understand. She was practically glaring at me, trying to decide how old I was, and maybe even if I was a boy or a girl.

In response to the lady's evil looks, I said rather loudly and in a girlish voice, "I'm sixteen, I can have sex if I want." At that the lady looked away and stopped watching us. Matt gave me a look as if to question my statement and possibly my sanity. I looked back at him, and, once the lady left her post by the soda dispensers, I explained how the McDonald's employee had been watching us.

We both laughed about her stupidity and continued with our night, which didn't last much longer. We were soon back outside in the dark, walking slowly back to our dorm. It was then that I began to get a bit emotional again, though I refused to let myself cry again. I forced myself to stay cheery and continue on with my conversations with Matt.

Once back at our dorm, Matt and I basically just got ready for bed. I realized I didn't have pajamas since I'd packed them up already, and had to quickly get them back out of my suitcase while Matt was in the bathroom. Naturally, he didn't suspect a thing, and soon we were both lying in our beds, the lights off, and nearly asleep. Soon enough, Matt's breathing got deep and even, and I knew for a fact that he was asleep.

Silently, I tiptoed out of bed and crouched down to grab my suitcase out from under my bed. I looked over my shoulder to make sure Matt was still asleep, and, sure enough, he was. I quickly slipped out of my pajamas and into a standard outfit of leather pants and my leather vest. With a pang of shock, I realized this was the exact same outfit I'd worn the day Near came to the orphanage. It felt strange, thinking about all that. It seemed to ever long ago, and so much had happened since then.

I slid my shoes onto my feet, securing them. Promptly, I flung my bag over my shoulder. I fingered with my rosary, something I suddenly realized I hadn't done in a long while. Doing so now felt like slipping back into an old forgotten habit, like becoming someone I hadn't been in a lifetime. It was an odd feeling, though not entirely unjustified.

I walked over to Matt's bed, bent down, and gave him a quick kiss, fast enough so as not to disturb his much-needed sleep. With one last glance at the boy I loved, I walked out the door of our dorm, Wammy's, and the only life I had never known, never to look back again.

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Alright guys. This is the end of my story. Or at least, this is what was originally supposed to be the end. But, here's the thing:

Do you guys think I should continue it? Like go on to say how Mello becomes the leader of the mafia, meets up with Matt again, etc?

I plan on taking everyone's opinions into consideration, but I'll only be able to do that if you send me reviews saying whether you think I should continue or leave it as is.

So please tell me what you think!!

-Bloodmuffins


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